Confessions of a 20-Something Caffeine Addict

NEWER "ITALY" BLOG!!!

2009-08-13T16:01:00.000-07:00

hey if you are still wanting to hear more about what's going on with the "caffeine addict", or the "Caffeine Addict 2.0" go to my new(er) blog site here on blogger!

Ribollita Reboiled

I am talking all about my plans to return to Florence, some memories and tips about life in Italy, and all of the drama and nonsense of applying for dual-citizenship via marriage. I'd love for you to drop by and take a peek!

the new URL is

http://ribollitareboiled.blogspot.com

Ciao!

NEW BLOG URL

2007-07-26T08:51:00.001-07:00

to continue reading "Confessions..." Please go to the NEW URL of my blog! I will no longer be publishing here, however I will be leaving this one up until I can transfer all of my archived posts. xoxox

http://web.mac.com/eclancy

one week

2007-07-26T08:48:00.001-07:00

We have been here in Florence for a week now. I was telling a friend
of mine yesterday how quickly you pick up the words that you really
need to know. I am definitely getting better at "hearing" things,
like numbers when I go to pay for something, or just learning to pick
thru the grammar to find the key words of the conversation.

Yesterday I got my haircut at a "quick service" salon. It looked
pretty modern, and I figured I would save myself some grief trying
to make an appointment. Emmanuale was great...we both struggled to
understand each other, but between pictures and funny sounds we both
came to an understanding of what I was after, and I love it! I just
woke up so I won't include a recent pic, so you'll have to take my
word for it. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to tip or not. We knew
that you don't usually tip for food service. We had met a nice young
lady at the market a few days ago who insists that we come and ask
her for help and to answer questions, so I passed her on the way
there to ask what is salon etiquette. She laughed and said of course
not, plus "it's so expensive already!" Guess she didn't realize that
in NY, 44Euros ($61US) is a deal, and you might consider going
somewhere else for fear of getting your hair ruined.

Our boxes are supposed to be arriving today via FedEx today. I can't
wait to get my shorts...I completely underestimated the power of Air-
Conditioning now that we don't have one and aren't living under the
shade of a forest. It will take some getting used to going from a
four bedroom house on the water to a two bedroom apartment in the
middle of the city. Adam and I both realize at this point that we
would like to live south of the Arno after our lease is up in
December. For now, though, the location is very convenient and good
for assimilating into this new life.

we have arrived...

2007-07-26T08:46:00.001-07:00

[this is my post from the first night we got to Italy. I am email-
publishing it for now, but it will be dated correctly once I have
time to stay online long enough]

11-7-2007

and it has hit me much harder than I ever could have imagined. I am
totally lost in translation,,,I feel absolutely ridiculous each time
I squeeze out a ?Grazie?. I fear that the one word I am totally sure
of will mistake me for being fluent in Italian, and some innocent
shop keeper will begin to start a conversation and I will look like a
fool. My mom called to say hello, and we got into a tiff. I feel as
though I have been thrown into a minor depression...is that even
possible? I am completely overtired. The night before we left I got
3 hours of sleep, and I could barely snooze on the flight here, At
the moment I am disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I may not
like it here, and that I am not being the ?strong? person that I
always saw myself as.

with love from Firenze

2007-07-20T15:26:00.001-07:00

Just a few highlights from our first week here in Italy...

-There aren't many mosquitos in our area of Florence, but the few that manage to get into our apartment have all decided to bite me on my left forearm.

-Giada has been putting everything up to her ear like it's a telephone. I swear I'm not one of those moms on the phone all the time. I forget to turn it on half the time, but like most kids, I guess she's working on her sabotage already..she's so smart.

-I've made friends with the local gypsies. They like margot and Giada, and Giada likes their gold teeth. They are probably going to rob me one day, but it makes me feel good to recognize someone when I walk outside. Hopefully I'll never learn enough Italian to hear them ask me for money. RIght now I just say "No Italian" hahaha.

-I went to the "mercato" by myself today--which is a huge deal because I get really nervous-- to get a few things, and asked the produce guy for two fish...look up peaches and fish on altavista's babelfish online and you'll see why. Once we got all of that cleared up, I got home to find he had given me 3 extra peaches, 5 golden plums, and 2 peppers for free. Remind me to get him a Christmas gift.

-The dollar stores here sell 40oz Peroni beers...for a dollar, or Euro, of course.

-I ate tiramisu gelato the other night. I didn't even know you could combine the two! It was greater than the sum of it's parts.

-Adam and I are obsessed with clean feet. They get so dirty walking around all the time, and I guess living in such a small space compared to our house the floor stays pretty dirty. The mop can't keep up.

- Microwaves are definitely underestimated, but we have managed to figure out how to heat most things up anyway.

-EVERYONE loves babies here. Everyone. They all come up to us and start speaking to the baby and then to us and walk away saying "Complemeni Signora...Buona Fortuna!" I think there may be a baby shortage and they pay less taxes relative to how encouraging they are to young families. And that was joke. Also, the younger guys have this thing where they snap at her with both hands.

-You can walk across town in about twenty minutes. Whenever we talk to people about moving to an area further from the city center, they comment that it's quite a walk, or that we should consider getting bikes. I guess it's all relative.

-We've met some really nice people who have volunteered to help us with anything we need including where to buy things, directions, and even babysitting! The gentleman who set up our insurance has invited Adam out to a pub this weekend and is going to help him find a job.

-Pizza is pronounced the same way. Who knew.

-Alyson, another expat who lives here and has been helping me, commented to me that living in Florence in the summer is like living in a museum. Not so much b/c of all the history around you, but because there are tourists EVERYWHERE. And they all wear crazy hats and stop short in the middle of the sidewalk that I am using.

-We won't have internet for a couple more weeks, but when we do we'll be on iChat/AIM a lot, so when you get a chance email me your screenames so we can chat!

We miss all of you so much, and hope to hear from some of you!
xoxox
Emily

no internet! aaaaaa!

2007-07-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

well I typed up this great post, to find out that the landlord won't have internet wired for another month. Sooo I am city in a cyber-cafe across the street from the Mercato Centrale writing this post...which does not replace the one I wrote earlier. Once I post it, you'll understand how I have been feeling these past 2 days. Until then...(I have 39 minutes left, and lots of unanswered questions to be remedied on Expats in Italy!)

Bon Voyage

2007-07-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

We picked up our *vistos* from the NY Consulate today. Tonight we'll finish cramming our things into cardboard. In the morning my father and Adam will drive to FedEx to drop off 15-or-so boxes. Then we will say our goodbyes to moms and dads and grandmothers. A few last minute phonecalls, load Margot into her crate, and then it's off to JFK. From there we'll catch a red-eye (always wanted to say that!) to Rome. 8 hours later, we'll arrive to pick up a rental van and drive to Florence. From there, life for the next 4 years begins...

Lost Boxes and Slow Visas

2007-07-07T08:52:00.001-07:00

Dad shipped heavy duty boxes that were supposed to arrive Thursday...they aren't here and not one box has been packed.

After 3 visits to the Consulate we are waiting to pick up our visas. They will be ready Monday...we leave on Tuesday.

Stress anyone?

So Long, Prius

2007-06-12T13:27:00.000-07:00

We have owned our Prius since late 2004. Since we are moving and do not plan on making car payments while we are in Italy, we are selling our car to my parents. I took it in last week to get some minor work done...new air filter, break pads, etc. and picked it up today. It was so nice to slide into it after driving around a borrowed mini-can for the past week.

I am so going to miss having such an amazing vehicle. It averages about 50 mpg (21 K/L), and since we are doing a lot of stop-and-go driving, that's on the low end...more like 60 (26) on the highway. I am going to miss opening up the back hatch for Margot (the dog) to jump in; Popping in the car seat, rolling down the windows and heading out for a drive to wherever the day took us; driving in the carpool lane while all by my lonesome; laughing at Hummers as I fill my tank in 45 seconds and paying with pocket change; watching people stare as the car drives away without a sound. I do believe that Toyota MAY have made the perfect car. It broke the bank ever so slightly, but it has been WELL worth every penny. It will be in safe hands once my dad picks it. And who knows? Maybe we'll buy it back one day!

One minor setback

2007-06-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

Adam and I went to the Consulate's office FINALLY last week to apply fror our visas. At first we were confused by the fact that I wouldn't be able to get mine or Giada's until he had lived there and gotten his PdiS, then that cleared up. But then something else...his paperwork didn't specify that he was going for a 4-year program, which again would mean that he could not get us family visas. SOOO the schooled has just mailed out the amended paperwork, and we should be good to go! However, that means that we've had to postpone our flight and we will not be arriving until July 11. It's very frustrating having had our hearts set on leaving so soon, but at the same time it is a relief to have a couple more weeks to tighten a few loose ends.

Good news? Adam's citizenship appointment went very well! The only hangup with that is that like many Italian-Americans, their names were "Americanized" when they arrived so much of the paperwork has two names like "Peter" or "Pietro" and "Cosima" or "May". We corrected all of his g-grandfather's inconsistancies, but figured that it wouldn't matter for his g-grandmothers' (since she was his blood line to Italy). But they do want it to be amended. No big deal, it's been done. SO all we do now is wait!

Giada is a handful...literally! She is now rolling over both ways and has managed to use this new talent to roll to whatever she isn't supposed to have. She was in the den yesterday lying on her blanket, and even though I can see her from the kitchen, a strange quiet came over the room and I ran in to find her grabbing up fists of carpet fibers and shoving them into her mouth! Though I would have expected her to cry b/c they tasted bad or whatever, she seemed content to have them in her mouth. When I snatched the latest fistful from her hand she looked stunned, and then once I began removing them from her mouth she cried and fussed. Parents are so PRACTICAL!

I am so eager to get to Italy, it's overwhelming. I hope that I am not working it up to the point I am surprised not the find it the way I have been imagining. But I know the one thing I am looking forward to will not fail me: that Adam will be home with us until school begins. I miss him so much, and even though I see him as much as I did before Giada was born, being HOME without him makes me miss him more. I am also eager to travel a little bit. We can 't afford to do much and I am hoping we can find some cheap lodging that's decent enough for baby too. I am desperate to at least go to the Amalfi Coast and to see Venice. I can put my other travels on hold (Paris, Germany, Finland, etc.) but I've GOT to see more of Italy!

Hippie Grandma

2007-05-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Grandma Elisa Jammin' with her first grandbaby

FOUR THINGS MEME

Four jobs I've had

1. "Fashion" Staff at JCPenny (isn't that an oxymoron??)
2. Barista...the American kind...no booze
3. CD store clerk
4. Paper shredder at my dad's office

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. The Royal Tenanbaum's
2. Amelie
3. Empire Records
4. Peewee's Big Adventure

Four places I have lived

1. Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA
2. Brevard, North Carolina, USA
3. Huntington, NY, USA
4. soon to be Florence, Italy

Four television shows I love to watch

1. America's Next Top Model
2. Seinfeld
3. Law & Order: CI
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Four places I have been on vacation

1. Anywhere in Texas
2. Little Rock, Arkansas
3. NY, NY
4. Pompano Beach, Florida

Four of my favorite dishes

1. Chicken Gumbo
2. Boiled Crawfish, with potatos and corn
3. Sweet Potato Pancakes
4. Adam's Buccatini Amatriciana

Four websites I visit daily

1. Expattalk.com
2. idontlikeyouinthatway.com
3. all the blogs on my blog
4. fedex/usps

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Florence
2. Baton Rouge
3. At Tomo eating sushi
4. anywhere with Adam...maybe Mohonk?

Four bloggers I am tagging

1. I won't
2. obligate anyone
3. but feel free
4. to tag yourself :)

OH....MY....GODDDDD!

2007-05-04T12:28:00.000-07:00

have you looked at that ugly ticket over there lately???? holy shit! WHAT?!! 1 month SEVEN freaking DAYS! WHHHAATTTT?!?!?!

50 boring things about me

2007-05-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

in true copy-cat fashion, I've compiled a list of 50 things about be. Narcissistic? yes! boring as all-get-out? why not! but it's better than attacking the mulitiplying pile of pans that need washing :)

1) I love the smell of scotch tape (sunset-lover...thanks for the thought!)

2) I have amblyopia (one eye sees better than the other). I am not cross-eyed as a result THANK GOD, but when I was little my eyes looked crazy. I had one thick lens...the other was clear so my left eye looked gigantic. My phys-ed teacher made fun of me. Seriously. Not the kids...the teacher.

3) When I was in elementary school, I'd miss class a couple of days a month on "protest" days to march in front of the factories that were polluting, wearing a surgical mask. My Miss Piggy doll always came along. I got grounded once for throwing a straw wrapper on the ground.

4) Hated Barbies as a child. I had two. One was a motorcycle Barbie, and I neglected the doll as I zoomed around the bike. The other was some kind of a swimmer whose hair and suit changed color in water. I pulled her head off and ran to the bathroom sink to watch blond turn to brown, pink turn to purple.

5) I am one of three children, the only girl. The only special treatment I got was my own room and an earlier burfew. Even though I was born second, I am the oldest.

6) I trained in classical ballet from when I was 5 until I moved to NY at 23. I danced with a modern/acrobatic theatre in Louisiana, and then went cold-turkey when I moved. I regret that.

7) My favorite food is mom's chicken gumbo.

8) My favorite desert is mom's banana pudding.

9) I hate my birthday. The attention stresses me out.

10) I might regret having gotten my degree in Landscape Architecture. I'm not sure yet.

11) I wanted to be a country singer in highschool.

12) I love coffee. Okay so you figured that one out.

13) I am a recovered anoretic.

14) I refuse to eat asparagus because I HATE the way it makes my pee smell.

15) I haven't had a female best-friend since college (3 years). It's difficult for me to attach to girls.

16) My hands look like they belong to an old lady.

17) There are dust bunnies the size of tennis balls in my closet right now.

18) In the 8th grade I stole a bikini, and it was ugly. I suppose I figured if I didn't really like it, it wasn't really stealing?

19) At my parents house I have a large band-aid collection. When I danced, I always needed bandaids from going "en pointe", so I started to save one from each box, unused of course.

20) I have a memory from my parents first house, of pushing a penny into the door jam, where the door latches, and not being able to get it back out. I always wonder if it is still there.

21) Realizing that there really aren't that many interesting facts about me.

22) The only day I ever skipped school was to pay a speeding ticket so my parents wouldn't find out.

23) I was the last one in my highschool gym class to get my period (hey, I can't think of anything else!)

24) When I was about 3 I was playing house in my bedroom. I had a Playskool kitchenette, and the closet was the bathroom. Determined to play right, I went into the closet, squated in the corner, and peed.

25) I had many adventures playing house. With my kitchenette came a petit "blender" which spun when you pushed a button. I decided my imaginary friends needed a cocktail, so I added baby-powder and water and proceeded to whip us up some "magguweetas"

26) I wish I were a gay man, or that Rufus Wainwright were straight so we could have a wild affair. hahaha

27) As a small child, I went to a very poor public school, so once a year a few kids were sent home with lice. In third grade, I got the lucky ride home. While my mom was washing my hair with that nasty shampoo, she decided it was a good time to tell me about sex. She started to explain that it wasn't just for making babies...and I stopped her there. That was the first time I asked my mom to hush, and the first time she actually listened.

28) My second toe is longer than the first. My mother says it means I'll be the head of my household. I think it just means I have ugly feet.

29) I know all the words to "Green Acres" and "The Beverly Hillbillies"

30) I bleach my fem-stache

31) The first time I saw Adam, I knew I was going to marry him.

32) I wish I was 5-10, and weighed about 10 pounds less. Who doesn't?

33) I also wish that I had tiny boobs.

34) Ou es la bibliotheque?

35) When I was 8, I thought I was going to be the first woman President. Now that I know what it takes, I think I made the right choice in going a different direction with my life. I remembered I had a soul and it wasn't for sale.

36) If I could have my way, I'd live in a small house near the ocean, with land to grow my own food, chickens, a dog and a horse. I'd only go into town once a month, and I'd have 10 kids. This wouldn't really work, but it's my fantasy,

37) When I was in Kindergarten, I had this terrible skin problem on my entire right hand palm, and I'm right handed. Each morning my mom would have to wrap my hand in gauze slathering it with creams. At the same time as this skin issue, one morning I used my parents toilet, somehow knocked my mother's curling iron off of the vanity, and caught it with my left hand, which my mom slathered with creams and wrapped with gauze. I looked like a leper.

38) which leads to the town I used to live in...It had a leprosy hospital on the outskirts. I always imagined it was a place that a leper went to grow BACK their parts.

39) I HATE the sound of cardboard rubbing on cardboard....yikes! I can barely type it.

40) I also can't stand it when Adam, or anyone for that matter, affectionately rubs my arm over and over in the same spot...I feel like it will be rubbed raw and it gives me chills.

41) I'm extremely ticklish. I cry if someone tickles me more than a split second. Seriously.

42) I stole my brothers' ADD meds to speed/lose weight in high school.

43) At night while driving, I have to keep my gaze low b/c I feel like the tree branches are going to scratch my eyes. The is also true when a plane on TV flies towards me, or anything of that sort.

44) As a small child, I wanted to be president (as stated above), a hair-stylist, a marine biologist, an architect, a ballerina, and in Greenpeace.

45) I've never found a four-leaf clover.

46) I'm moving to Italy in less than weeks and I don't speak a LICK of Italian.

47) I didn't like my middle name for a long time because it reminded me of Blair from "The Facts of Life"

48) When my mom bought me a training bra WAAAAY before I would ever get breasts, I got angry with her b/c I felt she was throwing it in my face. :-) heehee

49) I just changed the title of this blog from 100 to 50, b/c I can't think of any more interesting/uninteresting things about myself

50) I compulsively spell in my head. I could spell an entire sentence that you speak to me without stopping. HOWEVER, I will NOT spell check this post. In fact I'll read it later and THEN make corrections. Naughty girl.

The End of April

2007-04-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

I look at the calendar today and realize that in 6 weeks we are leaving for Italy. I have been taking walks around the estate lately, letting Giada see what Spring looks like here. There are wildflowers so dense it looks like colored carpets spread in the glades. Tiny yellow finches hover over the pond catching lunch, as I watch Margot chasing fat squirrels into the wood. I stand facing the ocean, glacing over at Giada lulled to sleep by the waves and birds, wondering if we are crazy for leaving this place. It's so warm today that I open every window in the house and I swear the wind brings it to life. I haven't prayed in long time, and I've almost forgotten how to, yet in this moment I feel a great lump of "want" in my gut. Want for a sign that there is a right decision, and want for a sign that we've made it.

Meanwhile, Giada has started eating carrots. She likes them so much that she grunts for more. She uses her two favorite fingers to help her swallow: I suppose that the sucking helps the carrots go down? Today, after a two day wait, she finally pooped...and the carrots reappeared! I never would have imagined being excited about a poopy diaper, but I do like to live on the edge :)

Gettin' my Pilates Cert. On!

2007-04-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

I am about to embark on my third of five weekends of Pilates training. Yes, I decided to do it, and YES I am so glad that I did. IT has been a lot of work. More than I expected. I see now why it is a costly thing to become certified, but I really feel like this is the change that I have always needed. I am so sucked into it that I have started becoming a Pilates snob. I scoff to myself when someone walks by with an anterior pelvis. I grit my teeth when the cashiers shoulders are up to her ears.

All right, not that kind of a snob. I do find myself looking, though. Wanting to run up to the anterior pelvis and tell them how I can help them, that I bet they have lower back pain and I can relieve it for them. I also find myself wanting to spend $100 on a nice fly pair of Puma gym pants. Needless to say, I've done neither, but it's still in my head.

It's elating knowing that I am choosing a new career that I truly believe in AND one that will fit my new life as a mother. I know that it won't be easy to gain a good reputation, but I see this field taking me places. I feel much more confident in the thought of selling myself as a trainer than as a designer. That's not to say that I will never go back to landscape architecture. But for now Pilates trainer suits me just fine and I look forward to this title for the next 4 years or beyond!

Joe Pilates at 72. NO he's not single. And YES those are some hot shorts.

Highlines

2007-04-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hey check out my brother's band! They say they sound like a mix of Better Than Ezra, Gin Blossoms, Counting Crows , Jimmy Eat World...but I would even dare say there is a little Dashboard and Foo Fighters too.

Johnny sings and plays bass guitar. He is a VERY talented musician. When he was five he could play the drums. In elementary school he played the trumpet and then eventually could play all the brass instruments, and WELL too. Then he picked up my flute and played better than me. Then he picked up our older brother's guitar and played it like he'd always known how. I used to make him sing the harmonies to Christmas songs with me until he'd cry to my mother. He forgave me, and sometimes when we were older we'd hit up an open-mic for fun...we got past the christmas songs of course. Now he's on tour with his band, Highlines, based out in LA!!!! WHAT? I know crazy.

So check them out at their MySpace,
or their website www.HighlinesMusic.com!

my new favorite jam

2007-04-02T17:54:00.000-07:00

oh my god

2007-04-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

I'm just looking at a post down there....Giada's hair is so scary! she looks like a balding man! I can't believe I posted those! poor girl.

hey...I'm right here!

2007-04-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

wait, what's my name again? no joke...I was on the phone with the bank yesterday and I literally forgot my married name. I am finding it hard to tell if things are getting foggier or clearer these past weeks.

Giada has started to teeth, and 'lord almighty' can those gums bite hard! She's also started to roll over which means I can't abandon her on her changing table to catch a pee. I have to waddle, knees together pigeon-toed to her play-rug, bend over trying not to squeeze it out, then make a mad dash to the lady's before she's rolled herself out of her room and down the stairs.

Meanwhile, Adam has found a school that is affiliated with an American college, and has now enrolled there instead of the original school. What's great is it means we can get more money, BUT it also means complicated paperwork, and confusing Italian protocol. At the same time we are trying to wrap up the last of our dual citizenship paperwork in time for our 6 month in advance appointment at the Consulate. (inhale exhale inhale exhale....which leads me to...)

my ass is totally kicked. I have been training to train (yes I said that) to become certified in Pilates. I feel like overdone pasta and I still have to lift 13 pounds over and over everyday. I AM excited though and I am hoping that this is a good move for our move (yes I said that too).

Oh yes...Giada took the big plunge! She was Baptised on the 18th of March, so now she's going to be perfect forever, right? Really..she was so good...the only baby that didn't cry, and she slept during most of it. I cried a wee bit...can I still blame that on hormones? haha Laura flew in (the god-mama) and was delayed a day from snow, but she made it nonetheless...what a great girl! I just have to say...Laura is so freaking naturally beautiful and I wish I had curves like her! (don't mind the hair in this pic...I'm in transition for God's sake)

Okay so back to our move. We are SOOOO F-ing excited that the day is drawing near! Despite depleting our savings just a little, it's all coming together. We have plane tickets, passports, the visas are in the working, and our Apt is reserved. We'll soon be selling most of our furniture, and then we'll have an enormous garage sale. It feels good to be downsizing, but I am going to miss this life (4 BR house with 3 bathrooms [hey we don't own it so don't get any ideas...we're as broke as the next guy], the ocean a 10 minute walk, and in the middle of the woods). In about 2 1/2 months we'll be boarding a plane with 3 suitcases, 2 boxes, a dog crate, a carseat, and a stroller, and heading for Rome. From there we'll rent a van and drive our sorry asses to Florence, hoping we've taken the proper route to avoid $500 in fines, sleep, go to Ikea, and pray we remembered everything. More stuff will arrive in a few days, and then hopefully we'll be off to see more of Italy before classes begin!

Is this REALLY happening?

PS: anyone had any experience driving from Rome to Florence, or the reverse? any advice would help! our uncle did it last summer and got 4 tickets!

PASSPORT

2007-02-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

so I FINALLY got my passport...yay! the school has mailed our visa paperwork, and then it's just a matter of heading over to the consulate. amazing!

pics of giada in her crazy smurf hat about to go for a ride, and then in her crib chewing on sock monkey. The last is with her "nanny" Laura, what we call our godmothers in Louisiana (Laura does NOT change her poopy diapers or give her a bottle...she just pretends that she has lots of good advice, and then parties when Giada's not looking).

Giada turns 3 months tomorrow!

I did it!

2007-02-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

...I decided to be a "stay at home mom"...well at least for the next 4 months. I may do some fun computer work from home...photoshop, AutoCAD...but other than that it's gonna be like "leave it to beaver" round here! NOT! Okay so I did wash the dishes today and tomorrow I might wash some clothes. But for the most part nothing's changed. I do put on shoes now instead of padding around in dingey dirty socks.

Of course it's not all that easy. We will be living hand to mouth for a few months. I am also doing my best to begin becoming certified in Pilates. I'd like to have it finished before we make the big leap, but I can always finish in Rome. It's not exactly a short commute, but I am hoping whatever needs to be done there can be finished over a couple of weekends if need be.

So in case it's not obvious, this is my brilliant idea to make some money whilst in Italy. It's a long shot, but I am going to contact all of the gyms in Florence, all 3...heeheehee, to see if I could teach some classes there, and then perhaps I can organize private and semi-privates sessions. It will be a lot of work, but hopefully it will cater to my new life as mom. we'll see!

Fort Lauderdale: Land of Elderly Retirees

2007-01-24T08:24:00.000-08:00

On the plane to FL as soon as the "fasten seatbelt" sign went off, half of the plane ran to get in line for the restrooms...needless to say, they were all members of the AARP. The line didn't peter off until the sign came back on 3 hours later.

we had a great time...I was EXTREMELY lazy, and loved having 2 grandmas to toss Giada off to when I got tired of holding her. It's funny how jealous I got when I didn't get to hold her for a while.

My mom bought her a swimming suit. Adam and I had the biggest fight about putting her in it...he thinks that we were treating her like a doll, and was upset that we had not washed it yet. We WERE treating her like a doll...and I'm not sorry for it! She looked adorable and she even giggled the entire time we took pictures. She was only in it for about an hour, so Adam will get over it. But beware, Adam, there are more to come!

I am on the verge of making a very big decision...whether or not to return to my job or not. Aside from the fact that I cannot bear the thought of leaving Giada for 26 hours each week, I can't rationalize any major benefit for returning for 3 months until we move...only negative effects. Because this country is whack and I only get about 80% of my actual pay, the money made will barely outweight the cost of travel and childcare. Going back means having to pump a lot...and Giada hates the bottle...she'll take it but she doesn't eat enough (and I've tried almost every nipple out there). The young lady who will be caring for her has never taken care of an infant on her own before, so I have many doubts about that set-up. I know that I will putting the company in a major pickle because there are some computer programs that only I know how to run that are needed for this major Spring event. Perhaps I can suppress instinct and return just to help out with that, but I break down and cry at the thought.

it's pitiful really. feel sorry for me.

what Giada will never wear

2007-01-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

for the record, Giada...I NEVER dressed you in this ridiculous pink, animal costume/onesie...thing. Firstly, what animal is is supposed to be? And secondly, are you SERIOUSLY supposed to where this thing in public? By far, this is the second worse gift you have gotten, and you won't ever remember it b/c it's going to disappear in about 2 minutes.

The first worst gift is the following...

These booties were knit by my MIL's blind friends mother, who I should think is blind too. These gigantic booties, which were accompanied by a matching bonnet, would fit a 6-year-old. What 6-y-o wears booties? and the bonner fits her now, though she's never going to wear it. I hate to be such a bitch, but my God they are ridiculous!

Giada's birth story is nearly finished, but I am leaving for Florida for 2 weeks, so it's going to be that much longer...apologies. I know you're all SOOOO eager to hear how my cervix performed.

one more complaint, and then thanks!

2006-12-30T16:19:00.000-08:00

I also forgot to mention how COMPLETELY inconvenient these leaking boobs are! And since my letdown is so strong, I have to stuff the non-nursing side with a burb cloth everytime I nurse, or else I'd be using up all my breastpads everyday. The only pads that really do the job are the disposable ones, and they are 1) expensive and wasteful and 2) don't let me "dry out" completely...BUT I use them when I am out of the house b/c otherwise I will leak through my clothes....GRRRRRRR Honestly if just one of these issues was resolved, I'd be a happy camper!

Thanks to both the ladies with the help....it's definitely eased my mind. I actually called a lactation consultant right after that past, and she came over yesterday to evaluate Giada and I. Despite G having a strong suckle, she has a hard time slowing/stopping the milk flow, and she might possibly have a Type 4 Frenula/Frenulum/Frenalen...the thingy under her tongue. She gave me some exercises to do with her to help strengthen her latch and to get her tongue moving the right way...it
s quite cute actually watching her tongue move around, and she laughs...sometimes. If that doesn't work she wants me to see this Dr. who can verify her Type 4 Fren.... and if she does have one, then they will want to give it a tiny snip. I have NO idea how I feel about that. I mean, how common is this.

[OKAY I JUST REALIZED I NEER POSTED THIS, SO I AM POSTING IT NOW "AS IS"...I'M TOO LAZY TO FINISH IT]

scary pics

2006-12-28T08:51:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know what color gray was, I included some pics that display it very well under my eyes...ha! As you can see I finally got my hair did...a-la-Pulp Fiction wouldn't you say. I used to rock these angled choppy bangs when my hair was quite long, so it's definitly a different look with this bob. I'm not sure that I like it, but I am just glad to have gotten some of the layers from my pixie chopped off!

This is a bad way to begin writing about my new life, but it's just the way it is...

My concerns at this point are that G. will only sleep for more than half an hour if she's in our bed...I'm not so much worried about her sleeping with us, I am just worried that it's "wrong"??? And when should we put our foot down? are we digging ourselves into a deep hole by allowing her to sleep with us? Adam seems to be more concerned than I am...I'm just glad to get 3 straight hours of sleep!

About half the time when she nurses she eats for 5 minutes and then screams...I thought I had it figured out, that my letdown was too strong, but now it's not jsut when my milk lets down, it's random. G. only poops 1-2 times a day. I spoke to a lactation consultant who says once is fine, but all the books say 3-4....argh. G. won't sit alone for more than 5 minutes without a Nook in her mouth. I am worried that the Nook is why she's having trouble nursing so I won't give it to her unless I'm desperate sooooooo I end up holding her most of the time. I have a sling, but she either screams and won't have it, or sleeps the whole time she's in it, and is then awake at 11pm.

Giada has made a few milestones...she can smile and sort of laugh....it's got a little tweeking left....though in her sleep she can get on a nice giggle! (video is a little long, so no biggie if your fast forward a lot)

and sorry about that terrible baby-talk...I'm working on it!

Despite all our frustrations, I am speechless when it comes to describing how I feel about this little person who just appeared from nothing. And as nervous and distraught as Adam was, he is so in love with his baby girl and such a wonderful daddy. (tears, hahaha). Keep checking our website for updated pictures...there will be some soon! web.mac.com/eclancy

ticker

2006-12-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

so I can't figure out where my damn ticker is on my template, so for now the flipping thing will stay up there until I have the patience to find it among the html mumbo-jumbo.

2006-11-30T10:38:00.000-08:00

hi peoples! so we had a baby! she is beautiful...Giada Mae. You can see more pics of her on our webpage, web.mac.com/eclancy (sorry my Mac won't let me add links...and I don't do html, so copy and paste people!)

so far she looks really cute and chubby and is permanently attached to my breasts, so it's been hard to get online. In a week or so I plan to write out my "birth story" as they call it...in brief I got NO drugs but was in active labor for 6 HOURS!!!! ouch! Adam was amazing, and were my midwife and doula. We did give birth in the water, which was so crazy. Well I can here the little leach stirring now, so I had better go feed! slugs and hisses until I write again.

[PS I really do love my daughter and I don't think she's a leach...but she feels like one...HA!]

Ho...-ly....Crap

2006-11-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

Saturday is the big D-day (as in due date). Yes I know, what are the actual chances of delivering then? slim, but still it's a HUGE landmark, and I can't believe it's almost here! This little lady still insists on lying on her side (she's head down though...phew), so it looks like I just need to mentally prepare for some back-labor. I can do it...I know I can.

We had an ultrasound yesterday just be sure her growth was where it was supposed to be...right on target! The midwife was estimating 6 lbs and the ultrasound tech says 8!!! Hmmm I think somewhere in the middle would suit me fine. We got a picture of her face, and it looks like she's inherited my mom's lips...luscious! hahaha I know it's hard to see, but you could see their juiciness on real-time. Watch out Angelina...Giada is coming! Can you see her face? She's sort of facing up, the two dark spots are her eyes, with the top of her head to the right and her lips and chin to the left.

38 weeks and 5 days

2006-11-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

it's hard to believe that we only have 9 days until our baby is due. here is a pic of my belly at 38 weeks...more preggo porn! and that out fit is H-O-T hot!

Last night I pulled a muscle in my stomach just below my ribs....I thought I was going to pass out it hurt so bad. I just rolled over! imagine rolling over in bed being a muscular feat! anyway, so I stayed home today and watching bad TV and ate breakfast for lunch...mmm. Eggs, bacon, and grits (polenta if you wanna get fancy and take the southerner out of it). No matter how I sit it kills and this little lady inside me insists on kicking me right where it hurts! It's like she knows just where it hurts! anyway, oh well. IF this is the worst pregnancy pain (besides labor) that I have to deal with, I'll take it!

false alarm

2006-10-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

last night I thought my water broke. it was a false alarm...before I knew it was, I was almost disappointed that it was coming so early! I called my doula and my midwife at 11pm, and felt like a right freak for being so paranoid. Honestly, thought, the way it happened I don't think I could have slept without knowing for sure.

so for now Giada is still kicking the shit out of my ribs, and is currently leaping for joy (literally) or for sugar rush over the huge hunk of pecan pie I just ate. I'd leap too, but not in my current watermelon-belly state.

I am hoping once things settle a little after this wee one escapes my womb, if it DOES settle at all, that with 12 weeks of leave that I will have more time to blog. I'm sure it'll be one of the last things I'll be thinking of after changing stinky dipes and nursing a hungry baby every two hours, BUT hopefully I'll be dying to connect with someone, even if it's just the computer screen and my imagination of 1000 lurkers coming to my blog each day in hopes of witty writing and slide-splitting humor.

2 years

2006-10-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

Today is our 2nd anniversary. Adam and I have been legally hitched since October 2004 by the State of Louisiana. I think it cost around $50, plus an extra $6 to get a pretty embossed certificate mailed to our door.

the weather was perfect...a little warm but it made going into the air-conditioned cathedral a huge relief. I decided to cut my hair the morning of the wedding. It was down to the middle of my back and I cut it to my shoulders! I really loved it (though now I think I was crazy...I'd kill for a pony-tail!)

There were no major hang-ups. I had trouble getting Adam's ring on, but it did go on eventually (large knuckles). At one point, the cantor's voice cracked and adam and I could barely keep ourselves from laughing...in fact I made contact with the videographer (who could hear everything we were saying through the lapel mic) and he gave me a big smile. It was a Catholic wedding, so during the "Ave Maria" we walked over to the statue of the Virgin Mary to offer her a rose. Adam, being the graceful man that he is, THREW the rose up onto the pedestal! Everyone chuckled, and it was forgotten once we went to present roses to our mothers.

Originally there was a lot of controversy regarding our wedding. Believe it or not (I'm not very preachy) though I hate the way it sounds, I suppose I'd be considered a devout Catholic. Adam is NOT. He was baptized as an infant, but his parents raised him in many different Christian denominations, mostly protestant/born-again types. After a lot of conversation and thought, I convinced the priest to let us have a full mass. Also, unlike most weddings in the States, we were horrified at the idea of the men wearing tuxedos or plain black suits that have been rented....blecgh (not sure I spelled that correctly, harharhar). SOOOO, we HUNTED and HUNTED and SHOPPED and BEGGED, and finally found something cool and affordable for 5 rock stars with little to no steady income. Gray suits from (believe it or not) H&M!, with black pins stripes. Adam's brother is an artist and he silk screened a red guitar motif on the left breast of the white shirts. They wore green ties, and I have to say they all looked amazing! The ladies wore kelly-green tea length dresses of a satiny/taffita fabric, with netting at the hem.

***this is getting WAY too detailed...apologies***

our reception was also a little off-character of most weddings for many reasons mostly b/c A) we love GOOD food and B) we love good music. We rented out an amazing restaurant that specializes in fine Louisiana cuisine, which has a lot of french influence (lobster bisque, rabbit pate, some kind of yummy duck...are you drooling?). We had an open bar, including cocktails, which is great because all I ended up ingesting was a bit of cake and two gin & tonics!!! The cake had praline filling. Okay so that wasn't so special but it sure was yummy.

Aside from all of the technical crap, it was an incredible day. We were both smiling uncontrollably, and were so glad that our reception had been so intimate and personal. We spent one night in New Orleans then flew to Quebec City for two weeks. The honeymoon was all that I imagined it would be....lots of se--....NOT!! okay there was THAT, but it was also about being extremely LAZY, lying on the giant feather bed for HOURS, finding a bottle of Port in our room upon arriving the first night, having fabulous breakfast every morning and then going back upstairs to find our room already made, AVEDA hotel soaps, a turned-down room with chocolates when we returned each evening, and the best part...an INCREDIBLE BATHROOM with a HUGE clear glass tub, and a HUGE shower that I could have lived in!

Many people have given us advice "the first year is the hardest," "love is a choice not a feeling," "try to always remember how it felt before you got married." As honored as I am to have been given that advice, I wonder if true love really requires all of these efforts and mind-sets? Adam and I have had our share of fights and arguments and tears over the past 24 months, but not once have I questioned my decision to marry him. I don't look back on the first year and feel ANY sense of turmoil or hardship. Though I do CHOOSE to love him, I also can't help myself when I am around him...I'm still crazy about him, and I get the same feelings I got the first time I saw him standing in the snow smoking a clove cigarette. Perhaps there are some apprehensive feelings that we will never have again, but in turn we never have to wonder if we are just playing around or looking for a good time. Last night we laid in bed giggling about something silly, and I just can't describe how happy those moments make me. I do know that things will change in just 4 very short weeks, but I have faith that it will be for the better and that Adam will give me even MORE reason to CHOOSE and FEEL love for him. He is my life and my breath...I think I would shrivel and die without him.

**BLOGGER WON'T LET ME ADD PHOTOS SO CHECK BACK LATER FOR THE "ILLUSTRATED" VERSION***

more wedding pics, I am still working on uploading the rest of them...2 years later...ha!

creme brutal

2006-10-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

the ladies at work took me out to dinner last night, which was absolutely delicious. but the best part of the night was when I threw my allergy diet out the window and ordered coffee flavored creme brulee. OH...MY...GOD. I forgot what it was like to eat rich egg-y, milk-y food. It was amazing, and even came with a berry puree (except it wasn't pureed? they were just sort of crushed). When I got home I had to sit in the bath for half an hour while I sneezed and coughed my brains out (but I tucked them back in so everything seems to be working okay!). It was well worth the torture, but it will be a while before I indulge again!

if you think that one was weird...

2006-10-09T06:29:00.000-07:00

I am almost too embarrassed to post this...but then again, no one I have ever met reads this (as far as I know) so it's probably the safest place to reveal myself...

I don't recall how this one began...it begins where I remember feeling as though I had an ankle weight on my left foot. I sat down and reached down to my ankle (which these days is a feat in and of itself). I lifted my pant leg to find that I had TWO sets of TESTICLES!!!! growing out of it...one set on each side. There was no feeling in them, but I could feel where they were growing out of my skin (they were hair free....phew! shaving nightmare...hehhee). I was so mortified and all I wanted to do was find my mother to ask her if this was a common side effect of the hormones of pregnancy. I put on a nice long pair of socks and "tucked" my new packages inside, pulled down my pant leg, and found her. DAMN IT! she said is was NOT normal. I decided to check out my right leg, and discovered that there were two 1/2" diameter breasts growing out of the front of my ankle, and they were a little bloody where it looked like I was scratching them thinking they were mosquito bites. The next thought that came to my head was that since I couldn't feel any of my new found growths, that a doctor could just cut them off, stitch up the wound, and that would be that!

I then woke up, found my ankles under the sheets (testicle and mini-breast free), and went to the bathroom for a pee...again.

HOLY CRAP...that one takes the cake. My friend Justin thinks the dream represents my unconscious desire to have a boy more than a girl...hence two full-sized sets of balls vs. one miniature set of breasts. Maybe he's right...if it's unconscious especially b/c then I wouldn't be aware of it, right? One thing's for sure...that was a weird dream and I don't want to have it again...scary!

Episiotomies!

2006-10-05T08:48:00.000-07:00

Last night:

I was in labor, in a room with another laboring woman. Adam wasn't there, b/c I think I went into labor kind of early so he couldn't get there fast enough. I forgot to call my mid-wife, and I started to panic b/c I knew they were going to try to give me Pitocin and all that junk. The active labor was taking a long time, and in my dream I remember trying so hard to feel the contraction and worrying b/c I couldn't feel it.

Finally the nurse, who actually wasn't a nurse but my Bradley teacher, said that I was crowning, which was weird b/c I hadn't actually gotten to transition yet! (as if I know how that feels anyway) She then told me to get on the floor, and I knew that something weird was going on. (feel free to laugh out loud) She told me to lift my legs into the hair, but spread apart. She pulled out a big pair of scissors. And I screamed "Wait what are you doing!?" She said she as giving me an episiotomy. And I got so confused b/c I was pretty sure she wasn't a fan of episiotomies. So I told her "I don't want one...but hey where is a my mid-wife, and wouldn't you help to support the perineum to help me avoid a tear??" But I couldn't put my legs down...

Then I woke up and I think I was having a practice contraction. And I had to pee...again.

ch- ch- check it out..

2006-10-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Check out my hubby's blog if you haven't had a chance...it's worth the read!

I know I am being a lazy blogger pawning both (haha) my readers off on Adam today, but I'm pregnant...and that excuse seems to work for me right now!

Uglydolls

2006-09-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am so in love with these. I think that we are going to buy all of them and never let baby-girl have real a dolly...hahahah (evil laugh). We've actually already bought her "ice bat" and "tray" and they are so cute.

I bitched a lot about the shower, but we did get some pretty nifty things...like a pair of pink and white checked baby Vans. We also got a cool vintage print from my mom of a little girls holding two cats...the colors are great. AND we got a couple of checks and cash, so we used them to buy all the "granola" stuff that we wanted. The gift certificates we used to buy a car seat that will fit into our stroller....that's right....Adam, being one of two grandchildren on his father's side, is spoiled rotten and so his grandparents bought us a Bugaboo! It's kelly green, and I just want to crawl inside of it and take a ride around the block. Adam won't oblige, so maybe once baby-girl grows a little she'll take me for a spin!? We haven't officially gotten it yet. We assembled it so they could see where all their money went, but we can't have it until we have the mini-shower (grandpa doesn't get around well so we are bringing the baby shower to him so grandma doesn't have to leave him).

couldn't sleep last night so I had rice krispies in bed. Funny...I woke up with rice krispies in bed too, ha! get it?? no? I'm MESSY so I spilled some INTO THE BED. I know it's a lame joke. I'm bored.

I feel like my belly skin/flesh/muscle can't possibly stretch anymore. I feel like a sausage...or one of those "stuff-sacks" you are supposed to fit a sleeping bag (but never can)...or a water balloon...or a coke can that has been shaken up. I just might pop. Each time Adam sees my "outie" he expresses to me his concern that my navel just might come untied and my guts will spill everywhere.

Giada Mae

2006-09-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

oh who am I kidding....I still like Lela. DAMN THIS IS SO F***ING HARD!

yo peeps

2006-09-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

hi...yes this blog is boring. I am becoming the blogger I hate. But life must go on even when it doesn't permit time for blogging.

Am now 7 months preggo (32 wks). the midwife is mildly concerned about my low weight gain. (only 12...ONLY?!? heehee I know it's not a lot, but yowzers). So I have been drinking these strangely thick hemp-protein shakes, and eating every two hours. I just don't feel like there's even any room for food sometimes! But then I get ravenous and eat too much and feel like I want to vomit. Ahhh, the glamorous life of being with-child.

We went home for labor day weekend, and were treated to a baby shower/family thing. There were about 75 people there, and I don't think I exhaled until about 2 hrs into it. I sat down to open gifts (all the men were outside while we sat in the living room). You could hear a pin drop: NO ONE would talk! I felt so nervous, and to make it worse I KNEW I was going to be opening some pretty awful gifts: tacky picture frames, denim overalls with pink ruffles that I would have worn in 3rd grade, BOY gifts (the invitations were pink for crissake), and lots of smelly cheap "walmart" outfits. Now I know I sound like a snot. But here's my issue: besides the tacky factor, do you know how many disgusting, terrible, harmful chemicals there are in those clothes? the last thing I want is to let my baby soak up all that crap. We registered for all kinds of clothes and toys that are organic/oko-tex/fair-trade. We made sure to include affordable items (even comparable to walmart in some cases), and that they were still traditional "baby shower" gifts to avoid the tidal wave of sweat-shop, formaldehyde crap. I honestly think that, despite the major advances in mass communication over the past few decades and the fact that we do not live in a 3rd world country, that people just don't get it. Don't people know about pesticides and toxens? Haven't they seen the news footage and read the articles about how chemicals in clothes and other mass produced items can be directly associated with the growing rate of autism?

BREATH Emily. BREATH.

It's okay though. After Adam talked me out of throwing all of them away so that we wouldn't be treating anyone else's child to these poisons, I am going to sell what I can on e-bay, then wash what is left 3 or 4 times and bring it to the thrift store. God help me.

Oh yes...we've decided on a name. Despite the fact that it's incedence in Italy is comparable to the incedence of "Mary" here in the states, we've chosen Giada. We LOVED LOVED LOVED Lela, but couldn't rationalize "Lela LoPorto." Poor thing would sound like she's auditioning for "The sound of Music" every time she introduced herself. So, Giada Mae it is. Not interested in anyone's opinion, unless it's positive of course :) Not that it matters, but my mom and adam's grandmother hate it. oh well! My dad it so cute...he emailed me to tell me that he added it to his spell checker.

I decided to make Rice Krispy Treats this weekend. I made 'em like mom...with peanut butter. They were quite tasty, despite using goat butter. Still not as good as mom's, but they hit the spot (yael...don't make fun if you're reading! I am so bashful thinking of your yummy cakes...which reminds me, when's a good time for me to bring my furniture over?) I think I actually LOST weight making them...who was the genious that decided melting marshmallows and them stirring them into cereal was a good idea? guess he/she could imagine what it would taste like! mmmm mmm :)

6 1/2 months

2006-08-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

...or almost 29 weeks, however you prefer. I feel extremely "crowded" in there, and this wee one has now taken to kicking me under my ribs, which is extremely ticklish!

so since I haven't posted in a while, I'll give you a little info on the mini-vacation Adam and I took last Monday and Tuesday:

well it actually started the Friday before...company picnic...yikes! at least we got to sleep late, and leave early ("oh yeah, not feeling so great...pregnancy you know!") That night we went to see our new midwife!!! she is incredible, and is all for the "granola" stuff as I like to call it...no pitocin, no iv, etc. Plus insurance covers it...woohoo! We then went to eat at an italian ristorante...not sure what kind it is...maybe southern? lots of fish...errr...never was good at that. Anyway, I got fettucine with squash, other veggies, and garlic and breadcrumbs in a white whine sauce. can't remember what DH got b/c mine was so tasty!

Saturday had to go for a glucose screening to be sure I didn't have gestational diabetes...had to drink this NASTY s**t called Glucola...tasted like ultra-sweet orange cough syrup. I passed it. Can't remember much from the day...cleaned house maybe?

Sunday we woke up late and a friend and his parents came over. We sat by the pool all day, then went out to eat at the same italian restaurant. Got shrimp in a light sauce with tarragon/saffron rice....yummy. Then the parents left, we went home to let out the pup, the boys made coffee and spiked it with sambuca to take to the movies. We saw "Little Miss Sunshine"...incredible. I NEVER cry at movies, and the story is just so twisted and funny and beautiful, I had tears at the end (and perhaps it was the pregnancy a little too). It said to me that we're all f**ked up, but probably not as much as we think.

Monday, slept late again, sat by the pool all day again, I read in the shade part of the time. Finishing a book on the history of eating disorders...I'm a little nerdy like that, but it IS pretty interesting. Had dinner out again (HEY it's our vacation!) at an "upscale" mexican restaurant. It was a very nice restaurant with tables on the sidewalk. If you order guacamole, they make it for you at the table! The food was decent, but I expected more.

Tuesday...oh here's a funny one. It started to rain early morning. There must have been a branch collecting large drops of water and dropping it onto the AC in the window, b/c the rain was light but the sound of these large drops was keeping us awake. Adam was so annoyed that he decided to remove the AC from the window. He grabbed a towel to place the AC on, started to crack the window to release the AC, and it did just that. The AC flew out of the window from the second floor, and the cord followed. Adam just stood there with his jaw to the floor and I jumped up saying "why didn't ask for my help!" He in his boxers and I in my t-shirt and undies both looked at each other and just exploded in laughter! I could barely stand up I was laughing so hard. We both reached for the window, shut it, and went back to bed to the light sound of rain drops on the roof and trees. Needless to say, the AC didn't survive the fall. Oh well, summer is almost over and it's never hot enough for it where we are anyway.

The rest of the day we relaxed, went to the main house to read by the pool, and watched some bad television.

Am taking a some time off again next week to go home to Louisiana to see my brother in town from California and to have a baby shower with family and friends. Sailing too, but this time I think we'll steer clear of the storms...we're not racing.

bloGGRRRR

2006-08-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

I can't add photos right now for some reason, so the belly pic is going to have to wait. sorry peeps. trust me, it ain't cute anyway.

My gut is shrinking. The further along I get, the hungrier I am, but the less food I can actually fit into my belly! It is kind of aggravating, b/c I don't have time to eat 4-5 meals a day. I barely have time for 2.5-3!

Yael you're right. I RETRACT MY REQUEST: no comments on the names please. I already got feedback from my mom, and it didn't help. So from here on, I don't mind sharing the names, but don't share your thoughts! [by the way Yael, couldn't find anything on that movie, so I'm just going to pretend you didn't tell me about it and hope we don't came across it...EVER! HA!]

Adam and I are going to go for a swim today I think. He likes to swim in the ocean, but I'll stick to the pool until it's no longer available. I have that condition where I'm not big on the possibilty of creepy crawlies and other sea monsters passing me by (see Niki's post on this very phenomenon), nor do I like the rocks on the beach, though I suppose they do disappear in the water.
----------------------------------------

PLEASE KEEP MY COLLEAGUES IN YOUR PRAYERS...

there is this clothing trend in my office with the men...well I shouldn't say trend, b/c that implies that it will come and go soon....no this has been around and will probably be around for WAY too long. Their outfit on any given day:

-terrible looking pants that do not fit propoerly...pleats!!! ack, pleats!! and a couple of them wear them way too large but sinched up with a cheap faux-leather belt. Okay, so suppose they cannot find the right size??? heeLLLOOOOO call a tailor! and they are usually way washed out, and coming apart at the cuffs (going back to the properly fitting part). Popular color? Navy blue for pete's sake.

-over-sized short sleeved button-down shirts. what are we, sleezy bible salesmen? YES that's exactly what they look like. Hey, I know it's been hot, but at LEAST buy a shirt that fits correctly and is in your FLIPPING size! One guy's sleeves practicaly come past his elbows. You may as well wear long sleeves and just roll them.

-cheap, ugly ties. bad colors, tacky patterns, old out of style patterns, cheesy cartoons, and crap fabrics

-scuffed up faux-leather shoes that should have been given to charity, oh, say, 20 years ago. OR never made at all.

WHERE DID THE STYLE GO??? why is it that European men (for the most part) have the ability to dress themselves? I'm not asking for gucci suits and clingy shirts. Heck keep the stupid short-sleeved shirts, but buy a nice one, and one in your sixe for pete's sake! The majority of American men take NO pride in their appearance, or they let Old Navy guide their choices. The few who do dress like one of the Ghotti goumbas and look rediculous in their pink polos and super baggy over overly dyed jeans. dont' forget the nurse-white sneakers.

DRESS LIKE THE GROWN MEN THAT YOU ARE!!! and SPEND A LITTLE MONEY ON YOURSELVES INSTEAD OF BASING YOUR WARDROBE ON AN OLD NAVY SALE!

new belly pic

2006-08-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

notice how I cropped my face out of the pic? HA. the res is kind of crappy 'cause i took it with my computer.

this is at 25 weeks. i need a tan.

wardrobe? shrinking. appetite? it's there. exercise? $60 a month poorly spent.

hey...check it out

2006-08-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

DH just posted his blog! he is a pessimist and "hates blogspot" so be sure to drop him a line and let him know if you like it! once we are in Italy we'll publish a new blog using our iMac, but right now we both work so we have to use an internet based one....anyway...hope you enjoy his writing. I think he should write a book! (the link is also to the right in my blogs list.)

so I guess it's sort of pointless using an anonymous name for him on here now...it's ADAM! adam and emily. not so mind blowing, but weird to be spilling the insignificant beans.

oh! names for the bambino! What do you think? if I was more internet savvy i'd put a little poll thing on here, but I'm not so oh well!

A) Lela (pronounced LEE-lah)
B) Giada (zhee-AH-duh)
C) Viera (vee-AIR-ah)...don't forget to roll that R!!!

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yesterday and the day before were so hot that adam and I went for a quick swim after work both days. god...life is pretty good. sometimes I think we are crazy to give up our current living situation just to move to Italy, but then again I'd be crazy not to grab at the chance, and maybe our only chance to live in Italy.

we finally had to use our AC last night. it's been so breezy by the water and the shade has been able to hold us over, but yesterday's heat index of 112 farenheit kept the house good and stuffy into the evening. man is that AC noisy! I could barely sleep and woke up twice during the night.

it is HOT HOT HOT today and I am so glad that I work in an overly air-conditioned office. Today will be the only day, but I'm glad nonetheless!

cute

2006-07-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

tonight DH's aunt (of the aunt and uncle who maintain the estate that we live on) is having a small family birthday party for his younger cousin...she is turning 8 I believe. I always get her something overtly feminine, like the purple sparkly bag we got her for her first eucharist, OR something really nerdy like books (I know I know, it's not nerdy, but it's almost self-righteous on my part). She's a bit of a tomboy b/c she is the youngest of four and the only girl. So in honor of her "down and dirty" play style I got her some gardening gifts! and I have to say...they are so cute, I might just have to come over and plant with her!

We got her a Manny Mantis Cultivator:

...a Dotty Ladybug Shovel:

...and two big pots of Pink Calibrochoa...annuals:

We have a nice sized planting pot and will fill it with a small bag of potting soil, and then put the tools in as well. It should be very cute...I hope our little one gets cool gifts like this! of course she could turn out to be a bit of a priss, and then well...purple pocket-books it is!

ps-thinking about getting her a small pack of seeds as well, maybe for some fall veggies or something? it's probably too late to plant though.

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baby's been kicking like a champ...an italian soccer champ that is ;) Today all I wanted was a chili-dog. I haven't had a taste for chili dogs probably since I was 8 years old. I don't eat tube-steak, but apparently I would it today. and that brings me to...

when I was a tiny-tot, my younger bro and I went to a daycare in the small town we lived in...we only went for a little while, b/c my mom was actually helping to take care of the babies during the busy times. we were friends with the owners and their children. It was converted from an old tin barn, so there were NO WINDOWS!!! okay there were like 3, but they were way up near the very high ceilings and about 1 foot high. Anyway, I have just a few random memories of this strange place. It was a very poor town, so it was a very simple set-up. Two large rooms, one lined with cribs for the babies, and the other for the toddlers with toy chests built-in lining that room. There was a kitchen, 2 big closets, and 2 bathrooms. My favorite lunch we had was (wow this is terrible) Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese with hot-dog slices mixed in, and green peas on the side. I also liked the "dirty rice" with corn...I'd mix it all together. Random memories:

it was cold out and one of the girls showed up with a dress AND jeans. she was way ahead of her time

I once dug in the toy chests for a good 15 minutes trying to find a doll with the head still attached

coloring pictures of sheep (how do you color something white!). I made mine black and got into trouble for coloring outside of the lines. I remember doing it on purpose.

harvesting the peanuts we had planted next to the swings

watching the colt that was just born trying to run around in the pen (the daycare owners also raised horses) and thinking how there was a boy at the daycare named Colt and that confused me

one of the "big" boys stepping on a huge toad and seeing it's guts come out...yuck

being so angry when my mom made me dress up as an angel for the halloween parade (which was just us goofballs marching up and down the long gravel driveway!) I wanted to be a cowgirl

playing "Ring around the Rosey" and "A tisket, a tasket..."

learning to "gallop," "skip," and "tip-toe"

i hate health insurance

2006-07-27T07:43:00.000-07:00

how corrupt is health insurance. I can't even begin to complain about it, b/c I have already and I just don't have the energy to do it again. well, maybe just a little.

i never imagined that having a baby could make things so complicated. I am sitting here with about 4 sheets of notebook paper covered in calculations of about 8 different scenarios based on how much I will work after my leave is up, if I will stay under my company's insurance, if we'll need a nanny full-time or part-time or at all, how are each of these options worth it knowing we'll be leaving for Italy in 7 months. And will I even want to work, and how much will that cost us in the end. And these decisions actually do have to be made in the next couple of months, b/c if I drop my insurance for another plan, I cannot go back. I'll be stuck, so I have to be sure of my plans once the baby comes. AND GUESS WHAT!!! I have NO idea what I will want once that happens b/c I've NEVER had a baby before!

AArrrggggHHHHHH!!!! It's almost too much to handle. Right now, my mother the most left-brained person I know, it reading over my "notes" and helping me to sort things out, thank heavens. Once we get a few options down, then I'll talk to DH about it. He tends to simplify things, like I'm thinking way too much about them, and usually I just indulge him, but I can't this time. So hopefully if I water it down for him, then there won't be any details to ignore...phew.

i wish I lived in Italy already so I could write about interesting and unusual things that have happened, to about something new I discovered. It's very easy to write about my own frustrations and trials, but to be able to talk about something other than me or my life seems liberating. Perhaps I'll try in the next few weeks to write about a more objective topic and not focus on "poor me."

mexican jumping bean

2006-07-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

did you ever have those when you were little? dried beans that had a little worm inside and if you held them in your hand they'd jump and shake all over the place? that's what my baby bump feels like. she must be baking a loaf of bread in there or something because all day long I could feel little kicks and punches and flips. It was pretty amazing and I almost felt self-conscious that it looked like a cartoon where a bee gets stuck in someone tummy.

last night DH and I finished the movie we started this weekend "Mrs. Henderson Presents." It's basically about this bored widow who buys a rundown theatre in London (I believe), and then re-opens it as the now infamous Windmill Theatre, which opens a few years before WWII. It has many little plots and you find out a lot about her background, etc. It's very good, and I highly recommend it!

my dad is coming up tomorrow evening for a long weekend. he wants to help us finish fixing up the house, so his "chore" is to get the nursery ready. well, really just remove the carpet staples from the woodfloors and polish them (the floor not the staples ;) ) and to paint the now bright apple green walls a much lighter shade of green. we have lots of fun plans: we're going to Macari Vineyards, the only "organic" winery on Long Island, to restock; to the custom jeweler who designed my mom's earrings to have a matching piece made; to Munday's for breakfast! with adam's dad; a BBQ with the fam; and then lots of laying by the pool and beach and maybe a canoe ride. My younger bro is also coming in from Cali Friday night through midday saturday, and then he's off to New Jersey to visit his girlfriend and her fam.

by the way, when I write things like "fam" and "bro" they are only meant to save my lazy a** from typing a few more letters, and not to be a reflection of the way I speak. just a little FYI

JUST FOR FUN, I'm writing the words to this silly song my Paw-paw (southern for grandpa) used to sing to me when I was little while bouncing me on his knee:

"I took my gal out ridin',
I sat 'er on my knee,
I bought 'er a pack of peanuts
And she peed all over me!"

awwwww, isn't that sweet and cute??? NOT! but that's why we loved Paw-paw: he sang us "dirty" songs, he'd let us microwave our candy bars and eat tons of icecream, and he'd let us put more coffee than milk in our coffe-milk...not to mention how much sugar he'd let us add. Paw-paw was blind as a bat, and wore over-the-counter glasses, which he broke and lost constantly. But if he was going to a horse race, he'd buy women's glasses if they were the only ones left in his strength just so he wouldn't miss it. He also sang us sweet songs, like "Billy Boy," and rocked us to sleep and was at our house every week or more. Rest in Peace Paw-paw. Wish you could have been 'round a little longer.

she's alive!!!!! she's alliiiiiiiveeee!

2006-07-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

hi! I'm the author of this sorry blog. I'm reintroducing myself because we are practically strangers now...though, I may have been lurking on your blog in the meantime, so we're just strangers like stalkers are to stalkees.

Currently I am one or all of three things: happy, hungry, growing. Usually all 3. Right now I am fantasizing about the homemade chicken soup DH and I made last night waiting in the fridge to be slurped up in gulps when I get home. I've gained 6-7 pounds, and about 4" on my waist. Supposedly that's not much, but g-whiz does it feel strange! and the dr. reassures me that around 7 months the real weight/size will start to roll in. whoopee...can you feel the delight radiating from your monitor? didn't think so.

went shopping a couple of weeks ago to get some "maternity items." I first went into a maternity store and found a few WAY overly priced things, bought them as the clerk mumbled something about their return policy. Then we went into Urban Outfitters and I found tons of great stuff that I can wear for a long time, including pants!! Returned to said maternity store to return half of the purchases, to find out the mumbled info what they do not do returns!!! You can only exchange or get a store credit within 10 days of purchase! what a load of crap. I just let her give me a store credit b/c I didn't want to walk out of that flipping store with tow shirts that cost WAY too much. I'm hoping that once I'm huge and it's cold, I can put it towards a winter coat/jacket. I think I'm going to write the company. As if they'll care, but at least I'll feel better. All I can say is thank god high-waisted shirts are in style or I'd be screwed.

my dad is coming up for a long weekend next Thursday. He wants to help us around the house/yard, so we've got a plan. Right now the nursery's wooden floor has carpet staples all over and needs a good polish, and the fluorescent green walls need to be painted over. Dad...you asked for it! My mom isn't coming this trip b/c she's saving up her vacation time for when the baby comes. Hopefully that will keep the in-laws at bay ;)

GOOD NEWS! I just found out that I can start having eggs. only bits at a time...but the morning after I found out, DH made me an omelet with sopressata (sp?), sun-dried tomatoes, and green pepper. it was DEEEEE-LISH.

I gave DH a "father's almanac" for father's day, and he's actually reading it!

oh yes! we watched the world cup finals on Sunday and I have to say I am thrilled that Italy won, but disappointed that they won on shoot-out. I wish it had been some amazing shot just in the last minute, like the Germany game. Oh well...yay for Italy nonetheless! After the game we went into town to have a slice of pizza, and we say outside. We heard all of the this honking and yelling, and then about 6 cars turned at the corner we were sitting at honking and screaming things in Italian like "viva Italy!" and waving Italian flags. DH and his best-friend who watched with us stood up and screamed back with the biggest grins (i screamed too, but I didn't stand up b/c I had a mouthful of pizza) It seems there were very few passers-by that had a clue what was going on, so the revelers were thrilled that the boys stood up to show support. It was really cool. We actually "knew" them too. They were the owners and family of the most authentic Italian foods store in Huntington...the owner is from Italy and speaks very little English. we buy our pancetta, soppresata (sp?), cheese, and Italian bread there. he calls me "Senora" and that makes me happy! they make all there own sausages, mozzarella and are butchers too, so it's all very fresh and high quality. god am I hungry.

1 wedding, 2 delayed flights and a gail

2006-06-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

this weekend was what I expected it to be....chaotic and too short.

Friday I woke up with a terrible sore throat, and we left Laguardia at 9:30am. Beautiful in NY, HOT but clear in Louisiana. Because we are poor and can't afford direct flights all the time, we had a 2 hour layover in Miami (which is not on the way to LA, by the way). The next flight would get us into New Orleans just in time for the drive home, a quick change, and to the wedding at which I was to sing. NOT SO. Our 2 hours in Miami turned into close to 4 hours...a huge storm front was moving into the northeast, where this flight was arriving from. We did not end up arriving in New Orleans until 5:45...15 minutes to get our bags, get changed (since we now wouldn't have time to at m & d's), and hop in the car. we arrive half an hour late for the wedding, but thank the Lord Eddy is Catholic! I had only missed the entrance hymn, readings, and vows (:(). Hiney, who was also singing, held it on her own til I got there. Eddy said he didn't even notice...woohoo!

the wedding was gorgeous as expected. The reception was lots of fun...great music, great food (jambalaya and boudin!), and lots of faces I haven't seen in years. One guy I've know for a while even called me by the name of my old roommate b/c my hair is much shorter than it had been. Lots of belly patting and "oohhs!"...fun fun fun.

the next morning, we woke up late and just padded around the house in our socks and PJs. For lunch, Dad went and picked up some boiled crawfish (the last of the season) and crabs (in season), and we boiled and spiced some potatos, corn, and mushrooms to go along. My mom's sister and her daughter and son-in-law came over to join us for a quick visit. Bellies full of beer (water in my case) and seafood later, we bid farewell to our company and jumped into the truck to go sailing on Lake Ponchartrain...well actually racing!

the skies were clear and the weather was warm as the sun was set low in the sky at the marina. We got into the boat...m, d, DH, big bro, the Captain (the boat's owner), and his wife. All of the sudden as we were trolling up to the starting marker, the skies opened up and the wind whipped the just hoisted the main sail from one side to the other! the wife insisted that we return to the marina, but after about 10 minutes, it had let up and we went back to the mark. We were supposed to be the first boat out in the race, but b/c the wind had us moving at about 0.3 knots, we ended up the last!!! the wind was up and down until about 2/3's through the race, when the skies opened up again! and this time it didn't stop. Everyone but my father at the helm, the captain who maintained the sails, and DH and I to keep the keeling boat from tipping stayed above. we were in the middle of a gail and the winds were hitting us at 50-60 knots! the rain felt like hundreds of bee stings all over your body, and was quite cold. but the waves from the lake were very warm...90 degrees F! the whisker pole (which supported the jib...the sail in front of the main sail) needed to come down b/c the wife was frightened by our speed and angle of the boat, but once it was unhooked from the mast, the wind and the weight of the pole bent it right in half! the captain had to sacrifice it to the lake, and we ended up coming in 5th out of 7 boats.....this from a man who at least places in most every race he has been in! About 5 minutes to finish the rains let up and the skies cleared. What a rush! we can't wait to go again!

Sunday was too short...we woke up, packed quickly, and headed off to Louie's Cafe for a late breakfast. I had grits and biscuits, like any good country girl would! we left straight for the airport, and a layover in Dallas. Oh...the story doesn't end there, people! The jet had a problem so we left Dallas an hour later than planned and got home at midnight. The next morning I woke up and felt like I had 100 lbs sitting on my head and face. I knew right away I had a sinus infection...that sore throat found it's way into my face! I left work early only to be running around all day to the doctor and nutritionist and hubby's office and didn't get any rest until the time of day I'd normally be sinking into the sofa.

....Tuesday morning I took the first of a 5 day antibiotic regimine. We had to pull the car over b/c I felt like I was going to vomit out my insides. Somehow I was able to talk myself down (using my inner dialogue of course) by thinking about not wanting to have to get a new pack and start over and that I just don't like to vomit (but who does? okay that was loaded). It passed and I feel much better today...besides the fact that our electric flashed last night and our alarm clock was off by 1.5 hours and I was late to work again!

It's a Girl It's a Girl It's a Girl!

2006-06-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

you can check out the sono pics at our new website. DH made it, and it's still a bit rough, but it works! the nurse said she was 80% sure...she said at 22 weeks they usually call it, and we're 19, but there was no winky and she showed us the "3 stripes" indication that it was a girl. DH says he needs to go buy a shotgun...what a goober. He'd probably shoot himself in the foot trying to fend off the boys.

we weren't surprised...neither of us had a real preference either way. (though I do remember DH saying he'd rather a girl b/c they can't pee on the seat...well he didn't grow up with any girls. I'm sure I missed a few times too!) So far for names we like Layla (Leighla), Lila (either pronounced LIla or LEEla), Mae, and Celia. Our last name can be a tongue twister so we like the simpler names best.

I just looked up baby girl's chinese horoscope sign....oh no! a dog! heehee I HIGHLY doubt it. Well I like dogs so it's cool with me.

DH turns the BIG 20-something

2006-06-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

In honor of his birthday we are going to see Rufus Wainwright tonight at Carnegie Hall (as I've mentioned before). We are both very excited, and to put it bluntly, it's going to be quite a gay evening. Besides the fact that Rufus is gay and much of his fan base is as well, he's performing ONLY Judy Garland...GAY ICON of the universe! it's going to be great and so memorable.

there were like a berzillion things I wanted to get DH for his birthday...fine clothes, watches, dvds. But my pockets are quite thin and we had some saving to do, so I had to settle on these few things:

American Apparel polo (the only place that sells men's x-small),

American Apparel sweats...oh they're so soft!,

Billy Joel's Box Set "My Lives",

and two books by David Handler, aka "Lemony Snickets" for his children's series, which is great by the way!

well off to waste another hour and half at work not working. it's GORGEOUS outside and I'm stuck in here with only the fresh air creeping in the cracked window to keep me sane until 5pm. Florence where are you?

super geil....good bay...pipe

2006-06-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

just got a comment that reads "super geil....good bay...pipe" what the heck does that mean? if it is really supposed to mean something, you'll have to write a little more than that! or translate it for me...I'm a dumb single-tongued american :) Or if this is some weird hacker/spammer/virus spreader, I'm wearing garlic and carrying a large crucifix so stay away...or rock out to some Billy Idol with me b/c that's the image I just conjured up for myself!

baby dream

2006-06-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I had another baby dream...

It was sort of vague and I can hardly remember all the details, but the feelings are still strong. I must have given birth to the baby, and perhaps it was a little early (like it was supposed to be premie). So they hand me this baby and it's about 2 inches long. It looks like a worry people (or worry doll) wrong in a handkerchief. I'm trying to "cradle" this thing in my arms and I drop it a few times. Of course I'm going crazy b/c first of all why is the baby so small and look like a doll? and Why can't I cradle him/her like a normal baby? How will I feed it? I doubt it's mouth is large enough to nurse! And besides, I think it may not be alive...there is no animation or cries. Apparently the nurses made a mistake so they replace this baby with a slightly larger one, however the face looks like that of a child's doll! Same issues: it's too small to cradle, it won't feed or cry or move. I think I woke up around this point.

a strange dream. what's new!

Last weekend was wonderful. Hiney (as I like to call her b/c she has a nice one!) was in town for a few nights and I almost wanted to cry. It was incredibly refreshing having a real friend around: one that is interested in my life and wants me to know about hers, one that can laugh at the crappy parts of life and has hope, one that get's my elephant jokes and will hold my hand without fear of people thinking we're lesbians (hahaha). though she was here for a short time and I had to work during the day, I was so sad to have to leave her at the station. I want her back! But luckily this one's a traveller and she'll most likely be the first visitor we'll have in Florence :) AND I'll see her at the wedding in a couple of weeks so I can't complain too much. She's such a good listener and really helped me work through my feelings about career change and what I want out of life...while still serving Christ. I know that sounds very holy-roller, but hey that's me! I'm still cool ;)

She told me about some schools here in the US that offer Master's degrees that you can earn completely online! I could be all the way in Florence and be working on master's here in the US! well it's just a thought, and there's still tons of research to do. Plus I need to get work in Italy first anyway. School next.

thank god for...

2006-06-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

wine and the pappardelle w/ duck i had tonight....wow

cheese with that whine?

2006-06-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

well I'd love some but I'm allergic to milk...I can't have wine either, for that matter. beware...loads of whining to follow:

firstly, a general "whine": I HATE HATE HATE it when people make the sound "hmph." It's so unnecessary. Like I can't find my pencil and I think you took it, "hmph." I'm surprised that it's missing BUT I'm pretty sure I know where it is. It's a cop out...I don't have to ask you about it, but I can be safely vocal about my suspision. Or "hmph" as a good/bad response. "here's my design for the Blahblah Residence" "hmph" Yes I can SEE the design...there it is! GOD! either CHEW ME OUT or PRAISE ME! It can also be an attention getter (the one I usually get). anonymous co-worker who I cannot stand (NO WAY!) is sitting at computer adjacent mine. "hmph" "HHmph" "hmmmph" "HMMMPH!" WTF!!!!! do you want my GODAMMED help or not! I don't answer to noises, I answer to words...the english language mostly. and just a little add on, I also don't answer to baby voices or cartoon impressions...and yes, I am speaking from experience.

secondly, I hate my job....and not just my job, my career choice. Yes people, I've said it and have been believing it since about a year and a half ago (I've been out of school since May 2004, so pretty much since I graduated). DH tries to convince me that I am wrong, and that it's just job stress getting to me, but that is NOT it...it just magnifies it. Main reason? I really think that I am morally against what I do, which is basically helping rich a$$holes spend their money on luxurious things. I am a landscape designer, and I know many of you out there think "oh wow! flowers, plants and nature! designer! ooo, aahh!" but it's more like "budget, estimate, cost engineering, my idea is better that yours even though every one I do looks like this so change it." The earth is dying and I spend my days discussing the best radius to use on some guy's pool. I'm not helping society function. A lawyer, a farmer, a factory worker, a doctor, a city planner, a social worker, a plumber, a teacher, a builder...all of these professions are critical to the machine of a nation. Societies depend on these people, even in the most basic communities they exist in some form or another.

I was jaded going into school. I wanted to be an dancer, but that wasn't practical. I wanted to be an artist...same problem, so I chose a professional design field that seemed to suit me. My parents were big environmental activists when I was younger, and most of my memories are of being outside studying birds with my ID book, helping my dad with his gi-normous organic garden, playing in the rain (even if it might be acid rain....AGHH!!!!) running around in the straw fields and climbing to the top of hay bales, climbing trees and looking for four-leaf clovers (which I have never found, btw). Landscape architecture seemed to encompass both my desire to be an artist and to continue to develop my nature stewardship, if you will. I took a big bite without even taking a little sniff. And I even bought the idea for a while that this was my destiny, more like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I see that the chances of the aspects of this career that I had clung too (environmental design, creative playground concepts, sustainability practices) will most likely never pass my wa, even though I've HUNTED for them. I'm realizing that even if they did, it may be when I'm middle-aged, and that is just too late for me.

interjection: I know this is boring. I am well aware that I am rambling. don't feel guilty if you aren't reading all of this. it probably doesn't make sense anyway!

But most of all, I am finding that I like those ideas and fields in the same way that I like a Yo Yo Ma cello solo. It's amazing and beautiful and inspiring. Yet, there are only a select few who can do it, and I am not interested in being one of them. I don't have the drive. I don't want to pick up the cello and learn to be a musical genious. I don't want to spend the rest of my life striving to possibly get a chance to be a part of some amazing landscape architectural feat.

WHAT do I want to do? well I've always wanted to be a teacher. One of the things I love about the new ideas in teaching is that all the information that is given to a person in a classroom is NOT important b/c it's part of some important database of info we need to have forever. No, this informtation is just a medium to teach people how to think! How to be creative, analytical, rhetorical, how to research and have an opinion, and most of all, how to use the things you do best to live your life. Now THAT is inspiring. I could also see myself as a nurse or a counselor. All of these careers scare me b/c it would mean slowly flushing the 5 years of college I've already endured down the toilet, b/c aside from teaching, I'd probably have to go for a second bachelor's. Maybe not, but it seems worth it right now, but is it?

truce

2006-06-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

so i've neglected my blog. and I won't redeem myself by writing anything interesting or exciting. but what I will do is dazzle you with a couple of pictures that illustrate the state of my life right now.

the body

the thumb (see "chef" post)
for those faint of heart you may want to scroll down past these pics...hey! it's my blog!!!

concealed

revealed!!!!

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okay it's safe to look now. you can move your hand away from your eyes!

finally, the hair...I just got it cleaned up today, so trust me that this is an improvement...twiggy can keep her hairstyle, I'm over it!

and, yes ma'am, I am wearing the ugliest, most comfortable sweatshirt on the face of the planet...and GOD is it comfy....me and DH fight over it each night. It actually belongs to my freshman year college roommate's best friend's sister. But it's mine now ALLLLL MMIIIINNNNNEEE!!!! (insert evil laugh here)

for niki!

2006-06-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

Billy Zane

a chef I am not

2006-05-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

for the long weekend (Monday was Memorial Day here in the states, a dat to commemorate the members of the United States armed forces who were killed in war) we decided to host a barbeque at our new digs. we have been planning this day for about a month now...not so much that it required that much time, just that we were excited about finally having a party at our place.

Lulou came in from Queens to spend the night and rest of the next day with us. We all woke up Sunday, went to mass (10 minutes late of course) then to Whole Foods to do some damage. We bought fresh avocados for guacamole, nice lean meat for burgers (and veggie burgers for the vegans, which there are a-plenty in our circle), corn chips, salad ingredients, and of course good beer. We were so excited about our friends indulging in all this organic, tasty food that we were going to prepare! We picked up our other good friend JD on the way home, and the four of us began to prepare for the party.

DH made a delicious salad with strawberries (yum) and sweet peppers. Lu made cookies. JD prepared the vegan treats (he's a vegan so he knows the ropes). I made the guacamole (which was INCREDIBLE if I might say so!), and then moved on to slicing the pickles. We got a mandolin as a wedding gift (not the musical instrument, then slicer silly!) Because I am just so AMAZING in general, and especially AMAZING at knife/slicer handling, I found it completely unnecessary to use the guard to push the pickles across the blade. About 3 pickles into slicing, my thumb got in the way, and the side of it was sliced off as well.

That's right, a big hunk of thumb was sliced right off, save a half a millimeter of skin it was dangling from. My first words "AW SHIT!"...then "Make sure there's no blood in the pickles"...and "Thank God it was on the thin slice setting!" DH insisted on taking me to the emergency room. Of course I'm all "it's FINE, I'll just put a bandaid on and that will hold the skin on." Of course once I actually took the time to run it under water and felt the pain and saw the blood, I figured he had something.

The hospital was full of home improvement accidents, lots of broken ankles and deep cuts. Some looked perfectly fine...perhaps people lonely on a holiday weekend just wanting some human contact and attention. When we finally got into a room the size of a bathroom stall, my thumb was bleeding like mad and throbbing. The first doctor (b/c apperently it takes two?) made me run it under the faucet. I screamed "HOLY SHIT!" I swear, for a small cut it felt like I was having my fingernails ripped out. I then turned red when I saw crying boy sitting outside my door with a broken arm. He stopped crying, so perhaps I did him a favor, however I still felt like a sissy for cussing over such a minor problem!

3 1/2 hours and 2 incompetant ER doctors later, my skin-flap was superglued onto my thumb (yay dermabond, no stitches) and I looked like I was in constant need of a ride due the HUGE bandage on my poor crippled finger. [I changed the dressings last night and it looks disgusting] My luck my thumb will heal up, but I'll have a nice dent in the side of it forever!

We missed a few people who had to leave early, but overall the night wasn't so bad! Some of us walked to the beach at midnight. It was so peaceful and quiet, and there's something about walking in the dark through the woods.

The only frustration was Lu. She has changed. So long as it's just Adam, JD and I, she is fine, but according to JD, once we left for the hospital, she freaked out. She wouldn't talk to anyone and even disappeared to the beach at one point. And it's not like these people are strangers to her. As soon as we got back, we knew she'd be ready to go to the train station. All she said was "Why didn't you call?!?!?!" (there's a cell phone block in the hospital) and "they drank ALL the beer" (isn't that what it's for?) Our friend Gio volunteered to take her to the station so that we could stay and enjoy the remnants of our company. She refused and said "[DH] is going to take me" So in order to keep the peace and not totally blowup at Lu in front of company, Adam AND Gio brought her to the station.

WHAT GALL!!!! how could she do that? She is so goddam selfish, and this is really the last straw. I don't think that I can hang around with her anymore. It's sad b/c we've been friends for seven years, we're both from LA, and she's really my only "girlfriend," but this friendship has been fading for a while. I keep offering her a clean slate (As does DH, for my sake), but her negative attitude and intolerance for our friends, for whatever reason, is disgusting and hurtful. Much of her disdain for them is rationalized in her mind by her "christian" convictions: they drink too much, use foul language, and their conversations can be crass. But they are some of the most amazing people I've ever met: they'd do anything for us, and took care of me while DH was touring months at a time, yes they're a bit raw, but they are honest and open, I know them better than I'll ever know Lu. They flew to Louisiana for our wedding, and I can barely get her to pay for a train ticket to visit me. What's ironic is that if I don't call her/invite her out, she acts hurt and left out. GOD HELP ME!!!! what should I do?????

why I like being Catholic

2006-05-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

first of all, I know I am probably going to get a million responses, and from people who've never even shown their face (or whatever) on my blog before, but that's okay. But I just want all commenters to know that I KNOW! I've tried almost every major (and some minor) christian denomination, and even some non-christian. I understand that many protestants don't like being referred to as such. I know that the Catholic church is not considered evangelical, which among other things means its people are not saved, or going to heaven (with exceptions). I KNOW most anything you'll disagree with, but that's okay. The point is that I am Catholic now, and will remain until I return to the earth.

This is in response/support of fellow blogger:

One of the many reasons why I returned to Catholicism is the faith vs. works issue. This has been a hot topic between me and many friends, including my husband who is not Catholic. Something I could never dismiss while learning about the new church that I was in was the idea that you did not need to live a life of good works in order to enter "God's Kingdom." A biblical study I found once in regards to this issue can illustrate the difference in Luke 2:14:

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." King James Version, and most other popular protestant-used bibles are stated this way.

"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." New American Bible, used by Catholics and protestants alike

This was generally the passage that was used in defense of my confusion, the first version I should say. It is what the angel proclaimed to Mary and Joseph on the night of Christ's birth. As if to say "Glory to God, let there be peace, God blesses everyone." The second, to me of course, has a very different tone, as if to say "Glory to God and he will give peace to those who please him."

Now, in my mind an angel almost ALWAYS appears to give instruction or to make a very important announcement (like, yo Mary you're gonna have a baby!). Why would the angel just come down to bless them? To me he is telling them that God is to be given glory, and that people who please him will be given peace. SO if we do things here on earth (GOOD WORKS) God will grant us the gift of peace, and hopefully a ticket through the pearly gates.

Good works...again, to me....are things that are born of love...love for God, love of his creation, love of family, love of the rest of the world as ugly as it may be. And these actions/decisions/thoughts are difficult because you have to try to be fair to all of these things (god, family, etc.). But they also can lead you on many adventures and color your life in ways you could never imagine. The fact that I believe I am called to good works forces me to takes chances and to be adventurous, and to get by on less than I ever could have imagined. And I can't just wait for God to come down and say "I'm taking you to Italy. It will be fun and amazing". Nope, I have to say "wow, that could be cool, but what about this baby, what about my family?" and weight the +'s and -'s and just take a chance and trust that God will PROVIDE me with the tools I need to press on, not wait for him to press on for me.

There are consequences to a life of good works. You will most likely be met with persecution and discouragement (is that a word?). You are choosing to take the unlit, unbeaten path. It's not like you decide to follow Christ and the rest of your life will just fall into place. No way. When you choose this path your are CHOOSING broken ankles and pain, loss...of people and of things, lonliness even. But the beautiful thing is (as you've said annika) that you will surprise yourself with your strength and ability to be made anew, with the wisdom you will gain, and your depth of knowledge about this world (which in turn deepens your knowledge of the immaterial world). You will learn and grow and never be want for adventure and change. It's not leaping from a cliff trusting God will send angels to catch you. It's climbing down a steep mountain trusting God provided you with all that you need to descend safely.

I hope this makes sense....it does in my head/heart. This is not intended to be a comparison of Catholic vs. Protestant as it is faith vs. good works. I am sure there are many christians out there, non-catholic, that may agree with this idea. Nor am I asserting that I have become this person I know I should be...I've got a long way to go!

Peace.

NOTE: I am adding this last part in b/c I realized how this completely doesn't tie into the post I was refering to!

The point of all of this was that I can't imagine that someone who lives their life doing good things for others, spreading love and happiness, and even has a moral code set out for themselves...I can't imagine it can be wrong. In fact as far as "heaven" goes...I think they will be in God's favor over someone who has been "saved", but lives his/her life vicariously just waiting to die and go to heaven, all the while judging anyone who hasn't been "saved."

I agree with annika that we have to take responsibility for our actions and decisions and thoughts. And once we take ownership for these things, I think she is right...we do notice the wind at our backs and our load becomes lighter.

thanks for your thoughts annika. may your life be full of love and adventure!

weather pixie

2006-05-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

i've decided to copy a few of the blogs I've been reading and add some weather pixies to my page. I have one for NY, Florence, and for my hometown in Louisiana. Hey look! NY and Italy have the same weather! well I guess it was meant to be...I don't even have to buy new clothes (awwwwwww I will anyway).

hey guess what

i just learned how to make lists

this doesn't mean anything about my website making abilities

yay!

I want to bite out someone's throat

2006-05-22T13:32:00.000-07:00

this is how I feel today.

SITUATION: our company is reworking their website. FACT: my supervisor and I are the only ones in the who know how to propertly operate a computer. As a result I get to develop most of our digital graphics and marketing material. ANOTHER FACT: the newest employee, who is "senior" to me based on experience, isn't any different than all the others...yet he makes an effort to learn, which is fine by me. HOWEVER, he's got a very long way to go. Anyway, the POINT: he and my supervisor, as just announced this morning, are going to be developing our new website.

WTF! I have already started creating a template and updated graphics, even! I found out he went to one of the owners, behind the supervisors back even, to talk to him about it. I am f**king LIVID (sorry kids). I could spit in his face, but I kind of need this job right now, so I won't. Thank God I only have...(counting)...6 more months of this bullshit.

[NOTE: I don't speak like this in front of strangers usually, only in front loved ones (hahaha), but I have a feeling that those of you who actually read this aren't

sure, I am hurt because I wanted to work on the website, but more than anything I am dumbfounded at how illogical a decision this is. Seriously, it makes no sense whatsoever. Not to mention that this person has also just taken on more repsonsibility in another area. GRRRRRRR Where do they make these kinds of people, and how did they all end up in this office? there must me a dumb-people factory nearby that I don't know about. Praise the Lord I was born in Louisiana! The dumb people are distributed properly there! hahaha

well, I will end on that note, b/c that's about as happy as it gets today.

slugs and hisses....I mean hugs and kisses

shopping

2006-05-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

As forecasted, it was an insane idea to drive all the way to the mall yesterday. We sat in traffic for, oh, about an hour and 15 minutes...at trip that should normally take around 25 minutes [what is ironic here is that we were driving TOWARDS NYC, and on Fridays a large part of the world is driving AWAY from NYC...this anomaly would and could only happen to me and DH]. And that time calculates only the part of the drive that was intended, NOT the part where we were on the wrong parkway for a good 4 miles and had to exit to get to the OTHER parkway and head back those 4 miles to the actually exit we needed. We were both starving about halfway there, so once we arrived we circled the horrific food court approximately 4 times avoiding which terribly unhealthy food choice to make. He got a soggy knish and I got half a tuna on rye...and they were both nasty, tasteless, and too salty.

so on to the shopping. I ended up spending most of my money: some really cute knit tops, an adorable linen shirt great for wearin a wide belt over, some white sailor-ish pants, jean board shorts, and a DRESS...yes I found a dress.

it looks kind of like this, but the blue is kelly green, the sleeves and neckline are brown, and the side panels are red and orange (I think). I figure that if I wear the right shoes and accessories it should look appropriate for an evening wedding? what do you think? I should mention that the wedding is in LA, and it is VERY hot there, so lighter clothes are more common at night.

DH didn't do as well. he wears his clothes to fit, and here in the US everything is cut for people who are overweight. he is about 3"(about 8cm) taller than me, and weighs about the same, so it's VERY diffucult to find anything that fits him and doesn't look baggy without alterations (one thing he LOVES about Italy/Europe....clothes actually FIT!!!). He found some great leather summer shoes and some jeans, a pair of pants, and a linen tunic-like shirt. I haven't seen any of it on, but I'm sure it looks great. he looks great in anything. Even nothing! HA! he's gonna kill me;) So that just means that we have to go shopping again and/or go into NYC and shop wear they know how clothes fit.

tonight we are going to a party at our friends house. this friend was the pianist in the band R.I.P. Anyway, it should be fun and funny. Lots of old groupies will probably show up and want to talk to me like we are best friends. It's cute but annoying. I'll feel huge and old around these starved girls. But DH will be there and always makes me feel beautiful and wanted, so who can complain? God, it's funny...I've never been a BIG drinker, aside from 2 or 3 nights of craziness, but knowing I can't have a beer or a cocktail drives me CRAZY!!! I think I might make my own batch of non-alcoholic cosmos, or gin and tonics minus the gin, just to trick myself into believing I can still party, heehee. Oh my, gin and tonic. yum.

i need a manicure and a pedicure. i really just need a stranger to rub my hands and feet and shoulders (knees and toes, knees and toes! great song)

Living Up to My Blog Name

2006-05-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

a real confession...

I am having a really WEIRD pregnancy thing. The hair down the center of my tummy, which is normally a little brown when I haven't been in the sun and is emphasized by my pastey white skin (yes, I'm part dark Irish), has decided that it's not dark enough! Dear Lord! as if I need another physical trait to fixate on and beat myself up over! LUCKILY (see, God, I am looking at the bright side...the very shady and damp and cold bright side) it's not BLACK and it's not coarse either, thank you very much. But still...what the hell and I gonna do? my first thought is to used some of my facial bleach and pray it doesn't look like a big blonde stripe down the center of my abdomen. Or I can wait patiently for the weather to cooperate, and lay-out by the pool rubbing lemon juice on my belly (mmmm lemonade). OR I can be even more patient and hope that this will all go away post-partum. any thoughts fellow bloggers/lurkers? As if it isn't crappy enough that I am at the point in my pregnancy where I don't look pregnant, but chubby.

OH YES! I forgot...the OB...well all we did today was listen to the heartbeat BUT it was the first time we heard it, and it sounded beautiful and strong and steady. I was in and out in 15 minutes! that's a lifetime record for me. We are getting our first full-fledged ultrasound in 5 weeks, then we'll see him again a week later. I think he's trying to get me in one the month (I'll be 20 weeks by then). I am so excited, and we should be able to find out the sex of the baby by then!!! yayayay!

It is POURING rain over here on Long Island. It has actually been raining all week, sans yesterday. It is SO hard to wake up when it is raining outside. I wish I could just roll over and smother DH while listening to the rain and falling back into dream land. Anyway, the entire sky is gray, and despite the weather, DH and I are trucking over to the mall to spend some extra money I earned doing some design work on the side. Woohoo! I am looking forward to buying some "in-between" clothes and a dress for my old best-friend's wedding at which I am singing (one day I'll post wedding pics, and you'll discover that he was my male bridal attendant! what a trooper! and I say "old" because he lives in North Carolina and I live in in NY and we never catch each other while we're home in LA...it's complicated).

so obviously I am doing nothing at work today, so I had better go and make these last 15 minutes count (HA!).

2006-05-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

And I truly believe that, except of course when it comes to a massage.

DH's birthday is coming up, and I am so proud of myself for having bought half of his gifts a full month in advance. Lucky for me one of his birthday gifts, which we got a while back, are tickets to see Rufus Wainwright. It's going to be an amazing show. He is playing with a full orchestra at Carnegie Hall in NYC, and will be performing the legendary 1961 Judy Garland concert. And as if that weren't amazing enough...we are sitting in the 4th row thanks to a friend of ours who "knows people."

If I were a gay man, I'd stalk Rufus Wainwright. His music is amazing...rock, classical, operatic, folk, pop all rolled into one. If you haven't heard any of his music, I'd suggest listening to his album "Want One" first. It has the greatest mix of sounds. "Want Two," his latest album, is incredible too, but I think you have to get to know him first to appreciate it....but I could be wrong :) My favorite song at the moment is "I don't know what it is" I just want to do giant leaps and spins around the room when I turn it up loud.

Interesting factoids: in the beginning of the movie The Aviator at the Cocoanut Grove, Rufus plays the club singer, and then before they leave the club his father, Loudon (a successful folk singer popular in the 70s), is performing also. Loudon also plays the mayor in the movie Big Fish, among other small roles in TV shows and films.

I'm not obsessed really.

but back to DH. I'd love to divulge the details of his gifts, but he may decide to check out my blog, which he's done in the past, and then the surprise will be ruined or "ROONED" as he likes to say....not sure why.

and yes yael, I must agree that my husband is HOT STUFF. why else would I have married him??? hahaha j/k that's just a lucky perk.

we have our next OB appointment tomorrow, and I am very excited...we're hoping he takes the sonogram again so we can see how big he/she has gotten PLUS we may be able to find out the sex of the baby! we are 15 weeks today (oh my god!)

just wanted to say hi...

2006-05-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

i am dead with thoughts today, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you, my blog reader...you are one among very few. I don't have much to say, except that I ate some miso soup today with my new japanese soup spoon. Ikea rocks my socks. I think my hormones are getting the best of me today, so apologize for this numb entry. I promise I'll do better next time, y'all! xoxox

1st mother's (to-be) day

2006-05-14T09:43:00.000-07:00

so I just have to say that my husband is perfect. maybe not for anyone else, but for me he is perfect beyond perfect. I always underestimate him, and end up being the ass, and yet somehow I'll do it again.

the past few months have been rough, not really knowing how he's felt about the baby, and how much I could talk about it without "offending" him. I want to give him the time and space to process this change and let him deal with it on his own. I assumed he was still dealing.

this morning I woke-up to find a card and small black bag next to the bed. I actually didn't see it until after I used the bathroom. I sat down on the bed and DH rolled over while I read. The card was an incredibly long message from my husband to me on my 1st mother's day. he told me how excited he is about this baby, how much he loves me and this life we've created together. I am such a sap and so in shock of what he was telling me in this card, so of course I was crying like a nut. THEN he told me to open the bag, inside a strange shaped box, and inside that a silver bracelet from the jeweler who made our wedding rings. It's from Pandora Jewelers. It's sort of like a charm bracelet. Anyway, so I am tearing up again, as I pull out this bracelet that has one charm on it. He tells me that it's the baby's birth stone!!! I just wanted to punch him he's so sweet. Of course I was a blubbering mess for about 10 more minutes. I was speechless. okay I have to run. today is the brother-in-law's b-day and we have to grab his gift and go to grandma's to party (haha), or just sit around and enjoy all the fam's company. whatever suits you :)

happy mother's day to all of you out there in cyberland! we wouldn't be here without you....literally.

bored to death...

2006-05-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

...as in I seriously might dying sit here at work on a SATURDAY. I have read every blog that I always read, I have posted pictures, I have actually done WORK at work. And I still have a half hour to go. PLUS I got a chopped salad for lunch and the guy must have put a half pound of goat cheese on this thing. I picked half of THAT off and I still feel like my stomach wants to be inside-out.

wah wah wah...somebody call the waaahhhhhmbulance. I know I'm whining, but I just want to go home.

my hair looks like doodie. It used to be long and down to the middle of my back. Then I got this *bright* idea to cut it the DAY of my wedding, as sort of a surprise. It looked great, at my shoulders, very choppy and funky. I'll have to post a weddin' pic so you can see it. THEN I decided to get a trim, and went to a new stylist (b/c I was living in a new state now). Back home, I had been friends with my hairdresser, so I trusted her and even gave her some freedom. This man (who wasn't gay, so perhaps therein lies the problem) made me look like I was about 12-years-old. When he used the razor he was pulling hair OUT OF MY SCALP! I gave him a crappy tip, and went home bawling to DH about how terrible it was. I called another salon the same day that I had seen while driving around that looked fairly modern. The receptionest empathized with my horrible situation and said Natasha would take good care of me, she's great with short hair (WHAT? no! no short hair! well it was too late anyway). So of course this german with a blond pixie gave me a great hair cut, choppy and "piecey" the way I like...too short, but as long as she could make it since the hair killer got hold of my head.

so then in October (about 8 months and two trims later) I got an even better idea to cut it even shorter (since I was missing my long hair and all.....duh)! It looked very cute, sort of like Keira Knightly's hair in Domino but I'm not quite as beautiful, heehee. (It was that short in my old blog pic.) Anyway, so now I am struggling to keep it growing out. Of course it's much longer now, but the layers are all wacky, and I've even gotten trims to help. It looks like Shannyn Sossamon on a bad day (not that I look like any of these celebrities, they're just universal hair-dos :))

the bad news?? Natasha has moved to a salon in NYC! what am I going to do!!! argh! yes I just made a short story long.

pics

2006-05-13T07:31:00.000-07:00

well, inspired by annika's recent picture postings, here are a few from moi!

this one is of DH...it's a band photo...we don't sit around with photo lights and take funny pictures of each other, heehee. okay well maybe sometimes.

This is our dog Margot. she is so sweet and smart. she looks bored here, but she is very happy!

My mother's college graduation...yes I am a brunette and my brothers are blond and black...we're not sure how it happened. I think I was about 5? I was doing ballet, a very bad "plie." work that feathered hair, mom! soon after this pic, my mom cut all my hair off. Everyone thought I was a boy.

and finally, the little baby growing inside me :)

hope these were interesting. I am at work so I only have a few, random pictures. Maybe one day I'll get super organized and post pictures that pertain to a post! woah!

2006-05-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

god...I've got to put up a new photo. it looks like I'm greasy and over-plucked, and I assure you that I am not....I'm flakey and in need of a good brow wax (hahaha) okay well maybe somewhere in the middle.

anywho...don't hate me for writing about this (it sucks when people flaunt their happiness) but I just have to say how HAPPY I have been this past month+. And DH has been too...perhaps that it part of the reason. mostly, I just need to acknowledge it because I know I could easily fly through this moment without appreciating how satisfied I feel. I still don't like what I see in the mirror sometimes, but I look in and the moment is gone before I have time to brood over it, and that is enough for me!

good news! the morning of the day we found out we were pregnant, I got a call from my old best-friend (well we're still best-friends, but distance doesn't do it much justice) that she was pregnant...she and her husband had decided they were ready, and BAM she was preggers, a 6 weeks when she called. Unfortunately, she lost the pregnancy two days later, and was devastated...and I mean, wow. We weren't even trying and she was the one to lose her baby, completely unfair. But I told her for what it was worth that her conviction about having a baby made me appreciate so much this incredible gift God gave me...not just the baby, but the ability to have one, to have life created and growing inside me. Anyway, now that I am way off subject....she's pregnant! I haven't gotten to talk to her yet, but she sounds positive and I am so happy for her! we are very excited to be pregnant together...we even got married 3 months apart so I guess it was meant to be this way;)

this post is random and weird. heehee

blogging=going to the gym

2006-05-04T12:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I haven't been to the gym in while, I start to forget how much I really like being there and how good it makes me feel. It isn't until I scrape my lazy a$$ off the couch and drive myself, moaning how I want to just stay home, then jump on the treadmill and go "oh yeah! this feels good! me likey!"

blogging (maybe because it rhymes with jogging?) must be the same way. SO I have officially scraped my fingers off my lap, rolled my rolling chair over to the computer, bad posture and all, and I'm going to share with cyber space a recipe I made up. Not as fun as divulging deep dark secrets, but hey...it's what I've got today. Just a light jog. Maybe I'll sprint a few miles tomorrow, k?

It sounds like it's, gross, but it's not...it's actually so tastey. And unfortunately you have to have a rice cooker, b/c I don't know how to make it otherwise! And just at this very moment I have a feeling I may have posted it already (?) but I'll take a chance. I'm too lazy to look.

Mung Beans and Sweet Brown Rice

3/4 cup Mung Beans (the beans that the common bean sprout comes from! very good for you)
1/2 onion, any kind
1/2 bell pepper, any color
1+ T (ish) olive oil
3/4 cup sweet brown rice (this is different from brown rice...sweeter, but I'm sure regular would work too)
1 cup (ish) baby carrots...not young ones, the itty bitty ones! (i like them chopped a little, but you can use them whole)
3 cups water
1 T tamari/soy sauce/teriyaki

First, rinse your mung beans twice, then soak them in water while you prepare everything else. They really don't NEED to be soaked, like lentils, but I find just letting them sit in the water a little before cooking makes the texture better.

In a small skillet on medium to low flame, warm olive oil, then add onions and pepper. Cook until the onions start to look clear. This is to let them caramelize and give the dish some flava! While they are sauteeing, chop your carrots (if you wish!) and any other veggies you'd like really. I'm thinking of trying brocolli and cabbage too, next time. Okay....so your onions are clear, your veggies are chopped. Now drain your beans and stick EVERYTHING in the cooker (or pot if you are gonna try this manually).

When it's ready, it's ready! There shouldn't be any extra liquid or sauce, but it is a little "creamy" from the starches. I only put a little soy sauce in while it's cooking so you can add it after, to taste. I like to garnish with green onion. Makes about 4 servings. Oh man I'm hungry.

okay, you still awake? still here? heehee

so I'm now 13 weeks preggers...and I feel like a fatty! My clothes still fit, but the buttons and zippers on a few things look at me like "you're kidding right?" I'm gonna post a pick later of my little bump.

one thing I haven't figured out yet...my belly-button ring. What do I do? can I keep it? should I keep it? what will happen? I've had it in for about...hmmm...6 years, and the only person who sees it (under dim lights only, of course) is the hubby...and once his young cousins saw it while I was swimming and freaked out. That's it. But for some reason, I take it out and I look WIERD! I mean it's as If I woke up and one of my nipples was gone...okay not exactly but close. any advice out there? I'd ask britney...but well...she's a idiot, or at least plays one of TV! and besides she won't return my phone calls...b!+ch...hahaha just kidding. (I'm prob the only one who reads this, but I laugh, so it's all good) PLUS she blew up to gi-normous so maybe her advice isn't all that great....the britney prenatal diet...McD's and cheetos! would you like large thighs...I mean large fries with that? hahaha "Y'ALL I'M PREGNANT, OKAY. I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT, K? DERRRR!" that' my spears impression, I can do it b/c I'm from Louisiana too. Alright, truce...it's a bad impression, and we have nothing in common but the area code of the hospitals we were born in. but people are always impressed when you are from a place a famous person is from (what's with that by the way?) so I guess it's shameless PR?....maybe?

tears and clarity

2006-04-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

over the past week I have been thinking to myself about this job. I just had this overwhelming feeling that I didn't want it, but rational part of my brain kept interrupting me and telling me I'm crazy if I don't take this job.

then I realized...when have I really ever listened to that part anyway? wasn't I about to pack up my life and move to a foreign country...across an OCEAN? helllOOOO!

okay, it wasn't just me that helped me see the light. my mom did too. she knows me so well and woke me up a little to the fact that I'm PREGNANT and will have a BABY at home soon...this job would be 12 hours from door to door with the commute (long island to manhattan). The most important thing to me is not burning any bridges. If I took the job and then quit after the baby, I can almost forget about ever working there anymore, having assured them in the beginning that I wouldn't do that. If I am honest NOW and upfront about the fact that this is my first, that I have no idea how I will feel about working fulltime, and that this is a very hard decision b/c I want the position soooo badly, at least they can respect my honesty and hopefully keep me in mind for future positions. As my mother said, I am young....God will put another wonderful opportunity like this before me when my priorities can be managed together. If I take this one now, I am putting family second, and that is NOT me.

of course, I haven't talked to the firm yet. I am waiting for a call from one of the principals. he is calling with more questions/comments and a salary offer. I want to hear him out, give it a day and then call to reject. Should I write a formal letter of rejection? I don't know, but I just pray that I am able to express how diffucult it is for me to say no to this opportunity.

yowzers

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.

2006-04-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

oh aristotle. too bad the world can't function based on your thought.

I got a job offer from the firm I interned for the summer before my last year of school...a dream job, and one that would turn my professional career in the direction it should be going. They called me last week in the midst of working nights. I was very surprised. I pulled myself together for the interview, and wowed them with my portfolio...and then wowed them again with baby news. Had I not broken out with that, I think I would be making a very difficult decisions right now as to whether to leave my current position or not. Of course, I debated whether or not I should tell them, but I don't want to burn any bridges by witholding information like that. I really respect the company, who has a great reputation and is all over "house and garden" and "archy digest". After a month of being employed, announcing that kind of news would practically ensure that I would be the ugly duckling for a while, or forever.

They are getting back to me, mostly because I was honest about maybe wanting to be part-time after my leave is over. I am in such limbo over the possibilities. I could be offered the job, part-time and all, and then Italy would be a goner. Do I want that? I don't think I do, but would I be an idiot for passing up this job, or quitting after a year? Maybe they'll WANT me to quit, and then Italy will be handed to us on a silver platter. or MAYBE, they won't offer it to me at all.

maybe. That word seems to be all too present in my life the past few months, and I am so tired of these life changing decisions. I used to pray (seriously) for change in my life. I was so drained by the monotony of my job, of having no money, of not having my family around. I would have given anything for some LIFE in my life. I was thinking more like lottery millions, but I guess what they say is true....careful what you wish for.

exhausted

2006-04-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted. I mean, I don't know if I have ever felt this exhausted ever in my life. I am even too tired to eat, and THAT, my friends, is a phenomenon. My company had this HUGE project that required all of us to switch gears and work nights for 5 days. Yesterday I got home at 6:00am and slept until 3pm...I then proceeded to lay on the couch while DH cooked me grits (mmmm grits). I rolled around like a beached whale, moaning and groaning over my sore back and hips, until about 5pm. Then we went to the store and were both starving, so we over-shopped (and I ended up with cookies and cream frozen yogurt and two cheese for baked macaroni...hellOOOO! yummy in the tummy).

yeah I know my posts have been pretty sucky and food centered. I just can't think of anything else to write about. it's on the brain, people.

oh yes...scary Saturday. I got home around 6:20am, went right to sleep as DH was leaving for work, and then woke up to a terrible cramp at about 10am. I cried a little....some from the pain and some b/c I was so damn tired and it was keeping me awake. I was scared I would go to the commode and find blood...sorry to be graphic. Called mom and she said to eat something, like cereal or toast. I did. I was too patient to wait and it was still keeping me from sleep. I took a hot bath and laid on the sofa all steamy and eventually it went away. Could have been gas or something, but I hope that I don't have anything like that happen again.

wow....yeah....that didn't help this post. sorry for you gentlemen lurkers. preggers here can't help herself.

my pants are getting a little tighter these days, but to weight or "inches" gained thus far. I am now 9 weeks (or 7, however you calculate it) along...holy moley...that's 2 1/4 months. That means in 3 weeks I will be announcing the news to the boss-man. hope all goes well.

k, so this is random. I gotta work. boooo.

bologna sandwich

2006-03-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

Today I am craving a bologna sandwich, with mustard and mayo on white bread. I'm not sure if it was just my stomach, which isn't unusual, or if it's being pregnant, but God would I love a bologna sandwich.

I had to take this test today to be a Certified Nursery Professional. Nope, I do not work in a plant nursery. Nope, I'll never have to advise someone of how much nitrogen to put on their lawn. Nope I don't care what gall wasp will do to my tree. I am a landscape designer and these things are not part of my job, and if they were I would have learned them in the longest five years of my life in college. I don't understand it? This company has so much prestige and such great reputation for the past 30 years. Why do they insist that I take this flipping test? And what it for some reason I didn't pass? Sometimes it just makes no sense here, and knowing it will be another year tastes a little bitter. At the same time, I should be able to put away my anxieties about announcing the baby news b/c I know I'll be glad to be out of that place, for a while anyway.

This post is boring, I know. Except for the the bologna sandwich part.

hey...where have all my dreams gone?

Flo...see you next year

2006-03-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

FLOrence that is.

well, we've decided to put off Italy until next year. I hate that phrase "put off." Let me start over

well, we've decided we are moving to Italy in June of 2007! It's going to be wonderful and beautiful, and the best part is that it is going to happen. It feels so good not to have any of this up in the air anymore. And the best part is that we both came to this mutual decision.

God is good, and I'll tell you why. Just a week or so before we found out about the baby, and our plans for Italy were still to go this June, a 4 bedroom house on the estate at which my husband is employed became available to us. In fact, the owner specifically requested that the board of trustees us choose us as tenants. (interjection: this is just so unbelievable)

And let me just side track here to tell you about this estate: It is 40 acres, and 4 houses share the property, which sits on the Gold Coast of Long Island...that's right the beach is about a 10 minute walk from the house, and 1 minute from two of the others. The main house was built in the 1600s and is absolutely breathtaking, with a large pool open to all the residents. Saturday, we went to take a closer look and we saw a young deer and it just stared at us...didn't run away, and we also saw a fox, who ran with our car for a few minutes. Wow. BTW, rent is negligible...the owner is an avid philanthropist, and I'm sure she gets a break on her taxes as well.

So we were so flippin' disappointed. We had been trying for two years to get one of the other houses, then someone else got it. And now, when we really CAN'T take it, it is available to us! GRRRRR! Luckily, we had not gotten a chance to send our regrets to the trustees when we found out about the bun-in-me-oven. I don't necessarily believe in signs from God. I don't believe it is our place to depend on them. But I do know that it sure gave us equal opportunity to stay or go this year, and not feel like we were making a decision based on money.

As sad as I am not to be able to escape this poor, broken country, I am content in our decision and have confidence in plans for next summer.

Flo...wait for me, and I'll bring you a beautiful baby to grace your streets.

rubix cube

2006-03-17T05:11:00.000-08:00

(is that how you spell 'rubix'? well you get the point)

you know how those things have like a billion different possibilities, and they all end up solving the puzzle. I feel like we have so many choices/paths...whatever.

we could go to Italy and not change our plans, risk having no money and coming home broke. DH done in 3 years. come home.

we could stay here for year, save up a little more, then go to italy (see above)

we could go for the summer, then come home, and I won't have decent insurance, but we'll have a home. DH would go to school in NYC. 3x the debt of Italy, but family nearby and I'll at least have a part-time job.

we could go for a month in August, I could keep my job, then lose it later, and DH would go to school in NYC. 3x the debt of Italy, but family nearby and I'll at least have a part-time job. crappy insurance after the baby.

we could stay here indefinitely, and DH would go to school in NYC for 5 years and I'd keep my job until baby. 3x the debt of Italy, but family nearby and I'll at least have a part-time job. crappy insurance after the baby. risk never going to italy...ever.

OR (which won't happen b/c he hates the idea) we could go live in Louisiana. way less debt, family nearby, no great jobs, school 4 years.

BLAHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHH

the only two that I think sound appealing are to either go now or go in a year. I feel as though my mind would be a little more at ease if we stayed a year, but then I would be concerned about the few months b/t baby and italy, what would I do for work, etc.

I know that you blog readers out there must think that I am nuts. But I must say it has only been a week (thanks to friends out there in cyberland for reminding me:)) and I have done an AWEFUL lot of thinking in these past few days.

I had another "Law and Order: CI" dream last night, including Vincent D'onofrio. All I remember is that we were eating what looked like the remnants of the brisket I made, and just usuing our hands...what animals (heehee). I think I must have been hungry b/c I woke up soon after, and for breakfast ate to big waffles equiped with butter and loads of syrup. It's funny, i'd never let myself eat that for breakfast, but it's as if my body has taken over! it's actually a bit fun (shhhh don't tell)

in summary...

1-I still want to go so terribly, but I may need a buffer year

2-I might be nuts but I'm definitely pregnant

3-I must have a subconcious crush on Vinnie b/c I've dreamt about his unfit a$$ too many times. If you're out there Vinnie, go for a jog, then gimme a call...heehee j/k

i feel better just at this moment. thanks blog.

Torn Between Joy and Grief

2006-03-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated. I don't really even want to blog, but I know it will make me feel better.

Everyone seems to have an opinion, and no problem sharing it. I was brought up to speak when spoken to, and I hold true to that idea. For some reason my in-laws feel the need to call a meeting with DH and me so that "we" can make a decision. I never fail to be shocked by their audacity and inability to keep their noses out of our business. We are no longer financially tied to anyone but each other at this point, so I do not feel that it is their place to call us all together. When and if we want their opinion, we'll ask for it. We have already had a discussion in which, at length, their ideas and concerns were voiced. This is not their baby, this is not their life. I love them and need them too, but not for this. Of course my perspective is biased, but my parents have been so so supportive. They just keep reminding us of things to remember, like be happy and to pray for clarity. THIS is the kind of guidance we need from parents, not an outline on the positives and negatives: firstly their pros and cons are not ours, secondly that is for us to do. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Careful I may bite.

And to top it off I feel so tired, can't sleep, and am so nauseous. I almost wish I could barf so it would just go away. Expats has been wonderful, but the post I've made has been taken over, and I can't get any of my questions answered. I still have no clue about my visa situation, I don't know about citizenship for this baby, Italian healthcare makes no sense to me, and I don't know that teaching English, if I even get a job, is going to make enough money.

i guess my brain is okay

2006-03-10T12:55:00.000-08:00

it's a...baby. for better or for worse. more later. to overwhelmed to divulge all the details into cyberland. if you pray, hit me up.

brain or baby

2006-03-06T18:50:00.000-08:00

so I went to a neurologist this past friday because of this dizziness I have been getting, and this strange smell I've had. I didn't really like her. My regular doctor is so intuitive and doesn't make you feel like she is just going to plug in the formula and give you a prescription. she just asked me tons of questions, examined me, then gave me instructions I could barely understand. I felt like she was a bit condescending. I wish I had the guts to just say "stop speaking gibberish and just tell me what MIGHT be wrong with me, for Pete's sake!!!!!" So I my first assignment from Dr. Know-it-all-and-don't-share-it-all is to get blood work done to test my vitamin levels, etc. and to make sure I'm not pregnant for when I get my MRI, which is assignment #2. So if I were for some icicle's shot in hell preggers, then I don't have a tumor or epilepsy? I AM SO CONFUSED! WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH ME!!! GRRRRRRRRR

So we are officially out of the creepy old house we were renting part of: no more stinky shedding dogs who roll around in their own poo. Just our sweet little Margot (who's sleeping in her bed b/c she ran around the yard all evening playing with an imaginary chipmunk). And in 3.8 months, we'll be boarding a plane to rome, then a train to florence, then to Santa Croce, to be thrilled or crushed by the apartment we just put a deposit on. but, honestly, either way I'm going to be so excited just to be there. I can't wait to have my first coffee standing up...my first Euro15 full course meal...my first (terrible) italian conversation (which will probably involve me saying about 3 words, and him/her saying the rest and then settling on speaking english)...my first day of grocery shopping the way it's meant to be done...my first walk on the street with Margot NOT on a leash! The scary part is that I have never even been across the ocean. He scouted out our move, so he at least has a taste for it. He also picked up the language pretty fast. Me? I keep speaking French instead of Italian. People say once you know one language, the other come easily...I beg ever so lightly to disagree. I had better sign up for a language course prontisimo....I just made up how to spell that.

well chow for now...hahaha j/k I know how to spell it...Ciao! xoxoxox

2006-03-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed
Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas.
You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding.
You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force.

An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people.
You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor.
People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all.
You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone.

Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

heehee thanks to a fellow blogger I did this quiz. Though I'd never set out to hurt any poor critters, it's fun to be a hunter inside!

creepy guy on a lawn chair

2006-02-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

I KNEW I was going to have a crazy dream last night. Maybe I made it happen, but it was wierd.

I was sitting on a lounge chair by a pool in a bikini (hahaha which is hilarious b/c I can't remember the last time I wore one), and my hair was long (again, it's been a while). This middle aged man and his wife were sitting about 20' away, and he walked over to me in front of her and started overtly flirting with me. I was very very uncomfortable, I even had to excuse myself from Mr. Slimeball to throwup in the bathroom, which was right next to my chair.

Then I decided I'd go back to my hotel room...you see now I was at a hotel pool. I went to my room and there were all these people there who were supposed to be my friends staying in the room as well. Then Mr. Slimeball shows up. There was something evil about all of them, and wanted to get out of the room fast...with my baby...yes, now I have a baby. And she's sick. I can't find the sling to hold her in, so I found a clean sheet to wrap her against me. My sweet husband shows up to help me get all of my things (he wasn't in the same room as me...strange). He asks why I want to leave, and I tell him to look at our baby "this is us" I told him, and he smiles and finishes packing us up.

Another thing was that, as with most of my baby dreams, I haven't been taking care of the baby. I know that the reason she is sick is because she was breast fed, and I haven't fed her correctly. As if I had been in a coma, someone else was helping to care for her...a female attorney (yes...a lawyer, and that's all I know about her). Somehow how she is an acquaintance of ours, and Adam informs me that she has been watching the baby when he was at work. OH MY GOD! I am such a bad mother! I don't even know my own child's name. We leave, and pull up at the attorney's home, as an interim place to stay, and as we pull in our baby is so happy to be with me and asks if she can have one of those "bottle" things filled with water...I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER. I tell her of course and then I wake up.

Needless to say I was in such an anxious mood the entire day. I always experience dreams so vividly, as if they happened in real life. It's so frustrating.

Double Agent

2006-02-23T05:18:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't be surprised if this is the year I see my first gray hair.

I have found thus far in my life, there is nothing so hard physically and emotionally as trying to be two people at one time. And that is precisely what I am required to do for the next 3+ months.

I know I am going to be leaving in June/July. There is no question anymore (aside from the visa going through). Yet, in order to secure myself professionally I have to keep it a big, black, ugly, puss infested, itchy secret. And yes, it feels just that nasty. "Are you going to the party in June?" me "uhh...YEAH! of course I'm going! should we bring anything?" at my review "so what are you initial feelings about working here the past year?" me "Wonderful! this is the kind of company I can see myself working with for years to come! Horray!"

so maybe I shouldn't be worried about finding a job. seems I'd make a good double agent for the polizia.

mom, a little girl, and a coffin

2006-02-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

i had a VERY disturbing dream last night. probably the most profound dream I have ever had. it's not even possible for me explain the most vivid part of the dream...how I felt.

they say that dreams are "virtual" reality. aside from actually waking up, there is no way for us to know that what we are experiencing is not real. therefore the emotions, the images, the sounds and physical experience is as real as the day preceding the dream.

I was in funeral home and everyone I have ever known was there. Childhood friends all grown up, old neighbors, those who have passed away, family, friends. I was overjoyed to be with all of these people. like in dreams, I didn't feel as though I wasn't supposed to be there, however I wasn't really sure why I was there. I vaguely remember an old friend, Tallyman (I'd like to remember who it was, so like a fellow blogger, I'll give a nickname here), acting as the interim funeral director. He was checking a guest list, or flower delivery or something and led me to the coffin. My mother and a little girl whom I did not recognize, but knew (another rule in dreaming), were standing next to the coffin dressed beautifully, as was I. We were instructed to get into the coffin, and he explained that it was specially built to fit all of us so don't worry. I got in last. The realization that we were going to be dying together came very slowly, and not as shocking as I may have thought. As I adjusted myself to get comfortable I thought "this coffin is going to be very heavy" and that made me upset that my husband would hae to carry us, and feel the weight of losing me, losing us. "I'm not ready to die, not like this,"I thought. I was being buried alive with the people I loved all around me, and with me. I started to imagine if I died before my mother and the little girl, and I'd have to hear them suffer, or (in a concerned way, not a vein way) smell and feel them decaying (I know it's morbid, but that's how it played out). I sat up very scared. (all of this dream was from the perspective of being inside my body, sometimes I see myself, but not this one.) I said what I had thought out loud "I'm really not ready to die yet. I want a family. I want love and pain. I want mistakes and successes." (and trust me I don't know where those words came from...doesn't sound like me.) Then I looked down to see my mother and the little girl curled up, content, and I felt as though I was abandoning them.

I woke up there. I feel so strange about it. Should I think, oh it was just
a dream. Should I think, there is a message there, and don't overlook it. I
can't write about it anymore.

And He said, “Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD
will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a
dream” (Num. 12:6).

I don't think so.

how to dance your way into a stroke

2006-02-08T09:53:00.000-08:00

well it's official kids. we're moving to florence (and not to milan as previously expected). We are very very excited about it, but of course now that we have finalized our decision (which is of course still really 95%) we are freaking out about everything! Money, money, and money. Oh wait we're also worrying about getting the dog here and deciding what to bring and leave. But we're also worried about money. YIKES! I tend to be the "it-will-all-fall-into-place" type, but I don't just sit on my tushy waiting for it to happen. I take action. He is the "oh-my-god-we-are-gonna-be-living-on-the-streets-with-TB" type. He takes action too, and much more swiftly and perfectly than I could ever hope to. But the vibes are rubbing off on me lately and I feel this overwhelming urge to write down the plan for my life for the next 10-15 years, how much money I'll be making, when to start making babies, when I'll be a vegetarian, and how much I'll weigh and what my hair will look at any given moment. Talk about putting pressure on myself.

And just to multiply that stress a little more, I have been so depressed about not dancing anymore that I've decided to get back into it, so long as it doesn't kill us financially. So far, I have no idea HOW I am going to achieve that goal.

I've located this wonderful dance intensive that the director from LSU told me about. Pro Danza Italia. It's in this coastal city in Tuscany, which means I'll have to be away from Him while I am there for 3 1/2 weeks. I think that I would be okay with that, but would he? I'd miss him so much, but I am sure that I'll have time to come home for the weekend, or for him to visit me. Anyway, besides being an amazing experience and opportunity for growth in my dance abilities, it should also provide me with priceless networking. Even if I just meet someone who could help me, say, find a desk job with a dance school so I can take classes for free. Anything is possible, and what better time than now! BUT just for balance of attitude, it could end up costing EURO5000 and then, well....plan B. Which I haven't really planned yet, but I'll get to it.

Bird Flu and a domestic

2005-12-13T12:18:00.000-08:00

This weekend was non-stop. Messina's Custom Jewelry for an open house (beautiful) Friday: Ran into PseudoManager's mom, and what a sweetheart. Saturday we had breakfast with Father-in-law and I stuffed myself with two gigantic, amazing sweetpotato pancakes and greasy bacon. mmmmm. Not exactly food for the ill, but my spirit felt better! The Supervisor's christmas shindig Saturday night: wow...double-yawn. I really did make an effort to be nice and sociable with 15 stangers in a very small space. Towards the end of the night, we were herded into the living room (all we had to do was suck-in and turn around) to play Scene-It...what am I , twelve? the only people I like playing any kind of organized game with (with or without alcohol) are close family and friends...and even those aren't fun when you're even gently forced. Just for the record, OUR team won. We were pretty ready to leave when the party broke at a mere 11:15. And from what I hear, this was rowdy compared to past years. could have fooled me.

Sunday...CRAZY trip to the grocery store. not really. more like NUTS. we bought pecans. har har har. Visited the G-Ps and ate fish and soup and salad for about the 25th time this year. It's more funny than anything. They are so cute.

I stayed home from work yesterday and slept until 2pm. The stars were in my favor and His boots arrived just before He got home, so he couldn't see what they were. The leather is a little more red than I expected, but I think he'll like them still.

I think I have the avian flu virus. just kidding. but I do feel like I am going to die. ::achoo:: ::cough, cough, hack, cough:: But I am at work today and making progress on my projects, despite. Somehow the new guy has taken over another one of my winter assignments. I don't even know how! all of the sudden he's running errands to get it ready and my supervisor is just towing behind. I am so confused and frustated and I am just too darn exhausted and sick to do anything about it right now. Yet I still have to be here at the crack of dawn to finish it with them....grrrrrr. I just want to SLEEEEEEP.

Talked to Ed, an old friend, today. Found out he's living in NC now which is great to know...much closer than N.O.! he's helping me out with this ornament thing I have to do for our office x-mas tree. priceless.

What am I looking forward to? HAVING to be unemployed if we make the big move. I will enjoy the boredom of nothing to do. I VOW to clean our apartment regularly, to walk the dog, and go to the market, and cook dinner and anything else domestics do. To exlore the city, and annoy the merchants with my "scusi, iyo non capisco l'italiano." I mean even if it's only temporary, I look forward to it. Betty Crocker would be proud. It WILL get old...I am a worker, and I need to feel important. I'll get tired of it, but I think it will help me appreciate the working life a little more. He'll like it too, to feel as if he is "taking care of" me. But God knows how long we can last on a part-time income! We'll find out!

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

2005-12-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

Voltaire is probably laughing in his grave at my self-pity and ignorance. I am in a rut. I have been in a rut for a long time. Unfortunately for me I am a very keen actress, and unless you are Him on a bad day, you probably wouldn't know it.

I am feeling sorry for myself, and I know it. The virus I'm fighting, the waist-line, no grace, the yucky weather, not knowing where I'll be in 6 months, nothing to wear, short hair, the lack of interest in my job, the New Guy, absence of a real friend (besides Him of course), falling away from God, not dancing, forgetting, ADD tendencies, boney feet, cost of living, the itchy red under my ring, regret in many forms, His pessimism and materialism, always the giver and never the getter, being inadequate, the inability of the medical community to fix my allergies...I could go on.

But I can answer myself. Take more vitamins, go to the gym, who cares about grace, appreciate the snow, enjoy the unknown, at least I have clothes, less shampoo to buy, I work for a respected company, ignore him, He's enough, pray, dance, remember, write things down, paint your toenails, living costs, use cortisone, forgive regret and forget, His love and strength, the Beatitudes, I am enough, bear your cross.

Somehow I can make it come out but to make it sink in . . . do you hear the violins yet?

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is
overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. " Psalm 61:2

12.05.2005

2005-12-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

what a crazy weekend. I wasn't even in LA for 48 hours, and I still came back sounding like a coona$$. The ceremony was short, I was wearing clothes I didn't spend a penny on...thanks mom! The best part was when someone dropped a hymn book in the middle of a moment of silence, and little Matt's (1-y-o) voice echoed "uh OOOH" all through the church. What a little peanut. He's so cute I wanna spread him on raisin toast and eat him. He pretty much bounced between my dad and I the whole night, and I'm not complaining. By the way, I did NOT get baby fever, despite the aunts telling me how "good you look with a baby!" I was a little concerned, what with my strange baby dreams, but I feel confident that I am ready and willing to wait until BOTh of us are ready.

As usual every aunt and female cousin INSISTED that I had lost weight. At best I am about the same size as I was the last time I saw them. And why is it such a big deal? They ask, I say no, then they insist that I have, then I say well I haven't maybe it's my hair, and they roll their eyes. I almost wish I'd gain weight so they would just stop talking about it and feel better that at least I've gained weight too. NO I just wish they didn't care. That's what.

Sunday I woke up with the worst sore throat and headache. I sat next to a man on my first flight whose 7-y-o son is the remote-control car racing champ of the southwest region, open age group. I am not sure if that is really scary or really neat. That thought made my head hurt so I was glad that flight was only an hour. I slept almost the entire next flight through. I was SO happy to see Him pull up at the airport. I was exhausted but just wanted to stare at him all the way home. I love him, after all. This makes me stressed at the thought of him being away for 10 days in January. Not that he hasn't been away for much longer, but that he will be in another country, continent, time zone, culture... Life can be just like a coughdrop...so bittersweet, but you know it's for you own good.

that was cheeseball. but actually, I do need a coughdrop.

I had a dream last night that I was in this hip-hop dance group and we were all over the floor break-dancing and I did not want to wake up. I wish I was still dancing.

migrating south for the winter

2005-12-02T05:34:00.000-08:00

okay well not really. I am going to a cousin's wedding in north louisiana this weekend. that's a laugh...only us coon-a$$ know why that's funny. trust me. it is, and at the risk of offending someone you'll just have to believe me. we'll be home for christmas...not sure about any "snow and mistletoe" but hopefully presents under the tree. I do need socks.

so He gets to go to Milan for 11 days in january and my tradeoff is a flannel shirt and jeans wedding fri night to sun morning. if I blink too long I might just miss it. yep, that's my life I recognize. I got over those types of things when I didn't develop until college. probably just means I'll live longer. you know what? this dinky trip is worth it just to see little cousin Matty.

went to our social awareness/peace and justice meeting last night. what a hoot. we are the only "young" people in that room. 13 people altogether and the average age (including us) is 63. Thirteen 63-y-o acting as the social conscience of the church! if all goes well we'll have pews with automatic kneeling...just push a buttom and your seat props you right up. I jest, but I'll bet there's a company that makes 'em. but honestly, these are some of the most aware AND religious people I have met in a long time, which is refreshing. they have already been doing research on lower emissions, war related issues like support troops, not war, and fairtrade. they want Him to write an article in teh bulliten about alternatives to expensive, high-fashion clothes and accessories, such as Hamnett bags (which are just as costly, but are made from cotton grown organically, processed in fair trade plants, and made in textile in a factory, all OWNED by hamnett) it's nice to be appreciated and I am so proud of my husband. he's taught me so much. I'll be sad if we have to leave these friends in such a short amount of time.

did I mention I am terrible at blogging?

2005-11-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

oh how things change so quickly and subtly and then all of the sudden you don't recognize the last few months.

the band broke up in September. I wasn't there. Chicago was. The wind blew him home on a red-eye b/c he couldn't stand to be with them for the ride home. I can't blame him. He's been fighting the urge to give-up since he proposed, and now the irony of life rears it's bald, bumpy head. but things aren't all bad. as I am beginning to learn, networking goes a long way. He applied to a couple of great schools in the City, but through a former teacher's elbow-rubbing skills, Milan is calling us. hoping that his visit to Italy with his Latvian companion will give us an answer as to what the fall will bring next year.

believe me...I relish the day I am walking Margot down a Navigli street through flats of veggies and crates of live chickens to grab a double espresso and read al fresco. but it's a lot of work trying to leave. and on multiple levels. current battles: convincing my mother that I am not leaving her (even though I am already 2000mi away), money? what money?, will he get citizenship...and so on. And speaking of relish, I can't help but fantasize about pulling the hd aside to inform him/her that I will no longer be requiring employment, as Italy is calling and needs me there immediately. maybe I'm a little too presumtuous about the hd's feelings, but I can imagine even just a little jealousy, can't I?

of course my visions of this move are quite idealistic. can't just pick up the phone at 7pm to call momma and ask her how to cook a rump roast...she'd be sure to suffer from a massive heart attack and be half-dressed ready to go pick me up at the nearest hospital from my assumed trauma to the head before I can say "and I know you've taught me before" I'm sure I'll call anyway, but that's not the point. good-bye professional designer with median benefits and most holidays off, hello au-pair/low-paid english teacher/dog-walker/"windex your windows sir?" but fortunately my parents reared me to have no shame, so I may be taking things more lightly than one would expect.

Other interesting facts of the past 5 months? none
-but really, I have very little hair left to cut, dad's not delighted, I like it
-Margot needs to go on a diet. He has decided she must have real meat at each meal. Unrelated
-still haven't met any peers of my own here, not sure if that is a bad thing
-M-I-L and S/F-I-L still wierd
-the fam came to visit in July, fun and embarassing as usual! I love it!
-I think I have officially lost touch with anyone I would have considered a friend from back home. on a scale of one to ten, one being total abandonment and ten being 30 minutes each night on the phone, I score about a -2 for keeping in touch. it's how I'm built. it's depressing.
-I still feel dissatisfied with my profession. I doubt I am alone. That helps.

peace and stinky geese...may the horse be with you

life is...

2005-06-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

fill in the blank to that statement.

So Adam have to be out of our apartment in less than a month. Scratch that. I have to be out of the apartment. Adam is gone on tour and I am so torn on how to remedy the situation.

2005-05-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

so today I am at work.. I hate working on saturdays but they "look good on your performance review" Do I really want to edit my actions in order to look good on a performace review? I'd rather just put on some makeup, take a picture of myself, and just tape it right over the "logical" and "indirectly" direct, ambiguously apparent questions.

This morning I woke up from the strangest dream...or dreams b/c I drifted in and out of them. I had a dream we were on a tour bus with the band and I was in the front right seat and all of the sudden I remembered I had a baby (!) in my lap, which of course is absurd b/c I don't, but that's dreams for ya. Anyway, so I'm holding this baby in front of me and we hit a small bump and the baby's head hits the bar in front of us and says "ooo that felt funny" So apparently this baby talks...VERY allie mcbeal. And it was a boy, btw. So I am like "oh crap I don't know what I am DOING. I don't know how to take care of a baby! Have I even fed him?? What's his name! I am a terrible mother!" Then the baby turns its head a little and from the side his nose is HUGE! I'm like "well, at least he is cute from the front...." Then I was upset b/c I couldn't name her Atticus...he changed to a "she" for just a moment. So I am trying to figure out where the baby things are...bottles diapers, etc...and the bus stops at this venue, in the back of this big parking lot. I am the first to get out and for some reason I am holding my arms out with the baby in front of me and all these young girl fans come screaming and running towards the bus with their pink tees and posters, and I can't move anywhere except towards them. I start running at them screaming "watch out! I have a baby watch out!" then everything is clear, and it happens again. Just before I woke up for real, I woke up into a "real world" dream in my bed and thought "gee whiz we haven't even told out parents yet about this baby! my mom is gonna be so pissed!" Then I REALLY woke up and just chuckled at the fact that I was getting up to call my mom. ...oh crap! I haven't done my NFP chart in days....and it's been 32 days since my last period, BUT only 10 days since I ovulated, so hopefully everything is okay.

On my drive here I got really really nauseous. I thought I was going to have to pull over to thro-up. I kept pulling on my seatbelt, doing what felt like Lamaze breathing, swallowing...with my head half out the window. It was awful. It just kept fading and them coming back again. I did drink a little water, but I can't imagine that could have made me feel so terrible. Then this sinking feeling came into the pit of my stomach. Could I be preg....nant. I can't even say it. I mean I know everything according to my nfp chart seems fine, but we did, you know, middle-of-day instead of end-of-day on the fourth day...could we???? okay I am going to panic now.....

start of something new

2005-05-13T12:17:00.000-07:00

hi blog. this is the beginning of a new friendship between me and the air. inhale...exhale.