so today I am at work.. I hate working on saturdays but they "look good on your performance review" Do I really want to edit my actions in order to look good on a performace review? I'd rather just put on some makeup, take a picture of myself, and just tape it right over the "logical" and "indirectly" direct, ambiguously apparent questions.

This morning I woke up from the strangest dream...or dreams b/c I drifted in and out of them. I had a dream we were on a tour bus with the band and I was in the front right seat and all of the sudden I remembered I had a baby (!) in my lap, which of course is absurd b/c I don't, but that's dreams for ya. Anyway, so I'm holding this baby in front of me and we hit a small bump and the baby's head hits the bar in front of us and says "ooo that felt funny" So apparently this baby talks...VERY allie mcbeal. And it was a boy, btw. So I am like "oh crap I don't know what I am DOING. I don't know how to take care of a baby! Have I even fed him?? What's his name! I am a terrible mother!" Then the baby turns its head a little and from the side his nose is HUGE! I'm like "well, at least he is cute from the front...." Then I was upset b/c I couldn't name her Atticus...he changed to a "she" for just a moment. So I am trying to figure out where the baby things are...bottles diapers, etc...and the bus stops at this venue, in the back of this big parking lot. I am the first to get out and for some reason I am holding my arms out with the baby in front of me and all these young girl fans come screaming and running towards the bus with their pink tees and posters, and I can't move anywhere except towards them. I start running at them screaming "watch out! I have a baby watch out!" then everything is clear, and it happens again. Just before I woke up for real, I woke up into a "real world" dream in my bed and thought "gee whiz we haven't even told out parents yet about this baby! my mom is gonna be so pissed!" Then I REALLY woke up and just chuckled at the fact that I was getting up to call my mom. ...oh crap! I haven't done my NFP chart in days....and it's been 32 days since my last period, BUT only 10 days since I ovulated, so hopefully everything is okay.

On my drive here I got really really nauseous. I thought I was going to have to pull over to thro-up. I kept pulling on my seatbelt, doing what felt like Lamaze breathing, swallowing...with my head half out the window. It was awful. It just kept fading and them coming back again. I did drink a little water, but I can't imagine that could have made me feel so terrible. Then this sinking feeling came into the pit of my stomach. Could I be preg....nant. I can't even say it. I mean I know everything according to my nfp chart seems fine, but we did, you know, middle-of-day instead of end-of-day on the fourth day...could we???? okay I am going to panic now.....