mom, a little girl, and a coffin

i had a VERY disturbing dream last night. probably the most profound dream I have ever had. it's not even possible for me explain the most vivid part of the dream...how I felt.

they say that dreams are "virtual" reality. aside from actually waking up, there is no way for us to know that what we are experiencing is not real. therefore the emotions, the images, the sounds and physical experience is as real as the day preceding the dream.

I was in funeral home and everyone I have ever known was there. Childhood friends all grown up, old neighbors, those who have passed away, family, friends. I was overjoyed to be with all of these people. like in dreams, I didn't feel as though I wasn't supposed to be there, however I wasn't really sure why I was there. I vaguely remember an old friend, Tallyman (I'd like to remember who it was, so like a fellow blogger, I'll give a nickname here), acting as the interim funeral director. He was checking a guest list, or flower delivery or something and led me to the coffin. My mother and a little girl whom I did not recognize, but knew (another rule in dreaming), were standing next to the coffin dressed beautifully, as was I. We were instructed to get into the coffin, and he explained that it was specially built to fit all of us so don't worry. I got in last. The realization that we were going to be dying together came very slowly, and not as shocking as I may have thought. As I adjusted myself to get comfortable I thought "this coffin is going to be very heavy" and that made me upset that my husband would hae to carry us, and feel the weight of losing me, losing us. "I'm not ready to die, not like this,"I thought. I was being buried alive with the people I loved all around me, and with me. I started to imagine if I died before my mother and the little girl, and I'd have to hear them suffer, or (in a concerned way, not a vein way) smell and feel them decaying (I know it's morbid, but that's how it played out). I sat up very scared. (all of this dream was from the perspective of being inside my body, sometimes I see myself, but not this one.) I said what I had thought out loud "I'm really not ready to die yet. I want a family. I want love and pain. I want mistakes and successes." (and trust me I don't know where those words came from...doesn't sound like me.) Then I looked down to see my mother and the little girl curled up, content, and I felt as though I was abandoning them.

I woke up there. I feel so strange about it. Should I think, oh it was just
a dream. Should I think, there is a message there, and don't overlook it. I
can't write about it anymore.

And He said, “Hear now my words: If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD
will make myself known unto him in a vision, and will speak unto him in a
dream” (Num. 12:6).

I don't think so.