cheese with that whine?
well I'd love some but I'm allergic to milk...I can't have wine either, for that matter. beware...loads of whining to follow:
firstly, a general "whine": I HATE HATE HATE it when people make the sound "hmph." It's so unnecessary. Like I can't find my pencil and I think you took it, "hmph." I'm surprised that it's missing BUT I'm pretty sure I know where it is. It's a cop out...I don't have to ask you about it, but I can be safely vocal about my suspision. Or "hmph" as a good/bad response. "here's my design for the Blahblah Residence" "hmph" Yes I can SEE the design...there it is! GOD! either CHEW ME OUT or PRAISE ME! It can also be an attention getter (the one I usually get). anonymous co-worker who I cannot stand (NO WAY!) is sitting at computer adjacent mine. "hmph" "HHmph" "hmmmph" "HMMMPH!" WTF!!!!! do you want my GODAMMED help or not! I don't answer to noises, I answer to words...the english language mostly. and just a little add on, I also don't answer to baby voices or cartoon impressions...and yes, I am speaking from experience.
secondly, I hate my job....and not just my job, my career choice. Yes people, I've said it and have been believing it since about a year and a half ago (I've been out of school since May 2004, so pretty much since I graduated). DH tries to convince me that I am wrong, and that it's just job stress getting to me, but that is NOT it...it just magnifies it. Main reason? I really think that I am morally against what I do, which is basically helping rich a$$holes spend their money on luxurious things. I am a landscape designer, and I know many of you out there think "oh wow! flowers, plants and nature! designer! ooo, aahh!" but it's more like "budget, estimate, cost engineering, my idea is better that yours even though every one I do looks like this so change it." The earth is dying and I spend my days discussing the best radius to use on some guy's pool. I'm not helping society function. A lawyer, a farmer, a factory worker, a doctor, a city planner, a social worker, a plumber, a teacher, a builder...all of these professions are critical to the machine of a nation. Societies depend on these people, even in the most basic communities they exist in some form or another.
I was jaded going into school. I wanted to be an dancer, but that wasn't practical. I wanted to be an artist...same problem, so I chose a professional design field that seemed to suit me. My parents were big environmental activists when I was younger, and most of my memories are of being outside studying birds with my ID book, helping my dad with his gi-normous organic garden, playing in the rain (even if it might be acid rain....AGHH!!!!) running around in the straw fields and climbing to the top of hay bales, climbing trees and looking for four-leaf clovers (which I have never found, btw). Landscape architecture seemed to encompass both my desire to be an artist and to continue to develop my nature stewardship, if you will. I took a big bite without even taking a little sniff. And I even bought the idea for a while that this was my destiny, more like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I see that the chances of the aspects of this career that I had clung too (environmental design, creative playground concepts, sustainability practices) will most likely never pass my wa, even though I've HUNTED for them. I'm realizing that even if they did, it may be when I'm middle-aged, and that is just too late for me.
interjection: I know this is boring. I am well aware that I am rambling. don't feel guilty if you aren't reading all of this. it probably doesn't make sense anyway!
But most of all, I am finding that I like those ideas and fields in the same way that I like a Yo Yo Ma cello solo. It's amazing and beautiful and inspiring. Yet, there are only a select few who can do it, and I am not interested in being one of them. I don't have the drive. I don't want to pick up the cello and learn to be a musical genious. I don't want to spend the rest of my life striving to possibly get a chance to be a part of some amazing landscape architectural feat.
WHAT do I want to do? well I've always wanted to be a teacher. One of the things I love about the new ideas in teaching is that all the information that is given to a person in a classroom is NOT important b/c it's part of some important database of info we need to have forever. No, this informtation is just a medium to teach people how to think! How to be creative, analytical, rhetorical, how to research and have an opinion, and most of all, how to use the things you do best to live your life. Now THAT is inspiring. I could also see myself as a nurse or a counselor. All of these careers scare me b/c it would mean slowly flushing the 5 years of college I've already endured down the toilet, b/c aside from teaching, I'd probably have to go for a second bachelor's. Maybe not, but it seems worth it right now, but is it?
firstly, a general "whine": I HATE HATE HATE it when people make the sound "hmph." It's so unnecessary. Like I can't find my pencil and I think you took it, "hmph." I'm surprised that it's missing BUT I'm pretty sure I know where it is. It's a cop out...I don't have to ask you about it, but I can be safely vocal about my suspision. Or "hmph" as a good/bad response. "here's my design for the Blahblah Residence" "hmph" Yes I can SEE the design...there it is! GOD! either CHEW ME OUT or PRAISE ME! It can also be an attention getter (the one I usually get). anonymous co-worker who I cannot stand (NO WAY!) is sitting at computer adjacent mine. "hmph" "HHmph" "hmmmph" "HMMMPH!" WTF!!!!! do you want my GODAMMED help or not! I don't answer to noises, I answer to words...the english language mostly. and just a little add on, I also don't answer to baby voices or cartoon impressions...and yes, I am speaking from experience.
secondly, I hate my job....and not just my job, my career choice. Yes people, I've said it and have been believing it since about a year and a half ago (I've been out of school since May 2004, so pretty much since I graduated). DH tries to convince me that I am wrong, and that it's just job stress getting to me, but that is NOT it...it just magnifies it. Main reason? I really think that I am morally against what I do, which is basically helping rich a$$holes spend their money on luxurious things. I am a landscape designer, and I know many of you out there think "oh wow! flowers, plants and nature! designer! ooo, aahh!" but it's more like "budget, estimate, cost engineering, my idea is better that yours even though every one I do looks like this so change it." The earth is dying and I spend my days discussing the best radius to use on some guy's pool. I'm not helping society function. A lawyer, a farmer, a factory worker, a doctor, a city planner, a social worker, a plumber, a teacher, a builder...all of these professions are critical to the machine of a nation. Societies depend on these people, even in the most basic communities they exist in some form or another.
I was jaded going into school. I wanted to be an dancer, but that wasn't practical. I wanted to be an artist...same problem, so I chose a professional design field that seemed to suit me. My parents were big environmental activists when I was younger, and most of my memories are of being outside studying birds with my ID book, helping my dad with his gi-normous organic garden, playing in the rain (even if it might be acid rain....AGHH!!!!) running around in the straw fields and climbing to the top of hay bales, climbing trees and looking for four-leaf clovers (which I have never found, btw). Landscape architecture seemed to encompass both my desire to be an artist and to continue to develop my nature stewardship, if you will. I took a big bite without even taking a little sniff. And I even bought the idea for a while that this was my destiny, more like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now I see that the chances of the aspects of this career that I had clung too (environmental design, creative playground concepts, sustainability practices) will most likely never pass my wa, even though I've HUNTED for them. I'm realizing that even if they did, it may be when I'm middle-aged, and that is just too late for me.
interjection: I know this is boring. I am well aware that I am rambling. don't feel guilty if you aren't reading all of this. it probably doesn't make sense anyway!
But most of all, I am finding that I like those ideas and fields in the same way that I like a Yo Yo Ma cello solo. It's amazing and beautiful and inspiring. Yet, there are only a select few who can do it, and I am not interested in being one of them. I don't have the drive. I don't want to pick up the cello and learn to be a musical genious. I don't want to spend the rest of my life striving to possibly get a chance to be a part of some amazing landscape architectural feat.
WHAT do I want to do? well I've always wanted to be a teacher. One of the things I love about the new ideas in teaching is that all the information that is given to a person in a classroom is NOT important b/c it's part of some important database of info we need to have forever. No, this informtation is just a medium to teach people how to think! How to be creative, analytical, rhetorical, how to research and have an opinion, and most of all, how to use the things you do best to live your life. Now THAT is inspiring. I could also see myself as a nurse or a counselor. All of these careers scare me b/c it would mean slowly flushing the 5 years of college I've already endured down the toilet, b/c aside from teaching, I'd probably have to go for a second bachelor's. Maybe not, but it seems worth it right now, but is it?
posted by Emily Clancy LoPorto @ 6:39 AM
1 Comments:
At 11:04 AM ,
Emily Clancy LoPorto said...
I have taken a look at LAs. I've worked with several LAs over the past 3 years, all in different areas of residential and commercial work. thank you for the advice, but I think the point has sort of been missed. I know you are sticking up for the profession, which I am not bashing. It's not for me, and even if I actually had time to do pro bono work, spending only 1/11 of my time is just not enough. I'll qoute my entry:
"...most of all, I am finding that I like those ideas and fields in the same way that I like a Yo Yo Ma cello solo. It's amazing and beautiful and inspiring. Yet, there are only a select few who can do it, and I am not interested in being one of them. I don't have the drive. I don't want to pick up the cello and learn to be a musical genious. I don't want to spend the rest of my life striving to possibly get a chance to be a part of some amazing landscape architectural feat."
it's not just my inability to see the whole picture and to be blinded by my current frustration. this just isn't what I want to do or what I want my life to be about. sorry, I just don't think you can understand...you LIKE what you do, and that's awesome BTW!
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