Bird Flu and a domestic

This weekend was non-stop. Messina's Custom Jewelry for an open house (beautiful) Friday: Ran into PseudoManager's mom, and what a sweetheart. Saturday we had breakfast with Father-in-law and I stuffed myself with two gigantic, amazing sweetpotato pancakes and greasy bacon. mmmmm. Not exactly food for the ill, but my spirit felt better! The Supervisor's christmas shindig Saturday night: wow...double-yawn. I really did make an effort to be nice and sociable with 15 stangers in a very small space. Towards the end of the night, we were herded into the living room (all we had to do was suck-in and turn around) to play Scene-It...what am I , twelve? the only people I like playing any kind of organized game with (with or without alcohol) are close family and friends...and even those aren't fun when you're even gently forced. Just for the record, OUR team won. We were pretty ready to leave when the party broke at a mere 11:15. And from what I hear, this was rowdy compared to past years. could have fooled me.

Sunday...CRAZY trip to the grocery store. not really. more like NUTS. we bought pecans. har har har. Visited the G-Ps and ate fish and soup and salad for about the 25th time this year. It's more funny than anything. They are so cute.

I stayed home from work yesterday and slept until 2pm. The stars were in my favor and His boots arrived just before He got home, so he couldn't see what they were. The leather is a little more red than I expected, but I think he'll like them still.

I think I have the avian flu virus. just kidding. but I do feel like I am going to die. ::achoo:: ::cough, cough, hack, cough:: But I am at work today and making progress on my projects, despite. Somehow the new guy has taken over another one of my winter assignments. I don't even know how! all of the sudden he's running errands to get it ready and my supervisor is just towing behind. I am so confused and frustated and I am just too darn exhausted and sick to do anything about it right now. Yet I still have to be here at the crack of dawn to finish it with them....grrrrrr. I just want to SLEEEEEEP.

Talked to Ed, an old friend, today. Found out he's living in NC now which is great to know...much closer than N.O.! he's helping me out with this ornament thing I have to do for our office x-mas tree. priceless.

What am I looking forward to? HAVING to be unemployed if we make the big move. I will enjoy the boredom of nothing to do. I VOW to clean our apartment regularly, to walk the dog, and go to the market, and cook dinner and anything else domestics do. To exlore the city, and annoy the merchants with my "scusi, iyo non capisco l'italiano." I mean even if it's only temporary, I look forward to it. Betty Crocker would be proud. It WILL get old...I am a worker, and I need to feel important. I'll get tired of it, but I think it will help me appreciate the working life a little more. He'll like it too, to feel as if he is "taking care of" me. But God knows how long we can last on a part-time income! We'll find out!

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

Voltaire is probably laughing in his grave at my self-pity and ignorance. I am in a rut. I have been in a rut for a long time. Unfortunately for me I am a very keen actress, and unless you are Him on a bad day, you probably wouldn't know it.

I am feeling sorry for myself, and I know it. The virus I'm fighting, the waist-line, no grace, the yucky weather, not knowing where I'll be in 6 months, nothing to wear, short hair, the lack of interest in my job, the New Guy, absence of a real friend (besides Him of course), falling away from God, not dancing, forgetting, ADD tendencies, boney feet, cost of living, the itchy red under my ring, regret in many forms, His pessimism and materialism, always the giver and never the getter, being inadequate, the inability of the medical community to fix my allergies...I could go on.

But I can answer myself. Take more vitamins, go to the gym, who cares about grace, appreciate the snow, enjoy the unknown, at least I have clothes, less shampoo to buy, I work for a respected company, ignore him, He's enough, pray, dance, remember, write things down, paint your toenails, living costs, use cortisone, forgive regret and forget, His love and strength, the Beatitudes, I am enough, bear your cross.

Somehow I can make it come out but to make it sink in . . . do you hear the violins yet?

"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is
overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. " Psalm 61:2

12.05.2005

what a crazy weekend. I wasn't even in LA for 48 hours, and I still came back sounding like a coona$$. The ceremony was short, I was wearing clothes I didn't spend a penny on...thanks mom! The best part was when someone dropped a hymn book in the middle of a moment of silence, and little Matt's (1-y-o) voice echoed "uh OOOH" all through the church. What a little peanut. He's so cute I wanna spread him on raisin toast and eat him. He pretty much bounced between my dad and I the whole night, and I'm not complaining. By the way, I did NOT get baby fever, despite the aunts telling me how "good you look with a baby!" I was a little concerned, what with my strange baby dreams, but I feel confident that I am ready and willing to wait until BOTh of us are ready.

As usual every aunt and female cousin INSISTED that I had lost weight. At best I am about the same size as I was the last time I saw them. And why is it such a big deal? They ask, I say no, then they insist that I have, then I say well I haven't maybe it's my hair, and they roll their eyes. I almost wish I'd gain weight so they would just stop talking about it and feel better that at least I've gained weight too. NO I just wish they didn't care. That's what.

Sunday I woke up with the worst sore throat and headache. I sat next to a man on my first flight whose 7-y-o son is the remote-control car racing champ of the southwest region, open age group. I am not sure if that is really scary or really neat. That thought made my head hurt so I was glad that flight was only an hour. I slept almost the entire next flight through. I was SO happy to see Him pull up at the airport. I was exhausted but just wanted to stare at him all the way home. I love him, after all. This makes me stressed at the thought of him being away for 10 days in January. Not that he hasn't been away for much longer, but that he will be in another country, continent, time zone, culture... Life can be just like a coughdrop...so bittersweet, but you know it's for you own good.

that was cheeseball. but actually, I do need a coughdrop.

I had a dream last night that I was in this hip-hop dance group and we were all over the floor break-dancing and I did not want to wake up. I wish I was still dancing.

migrating south for the winter

okay well not really. I am going to a cousin's wedding in north louisiana this weekend. that's a laugh...only us coon-a$$ know why that's funny. trust me. it is, and at the risk of offending someone you'll just have to believe me. we'll be home for christmas...not sure about any "snow and mistletoe" but hopefully presents under the tree. I do need socks.

so He gets to go to Milan for 11 days in january and my tradeoff is a flannel shirt and jeans wedding fri night to sun morning. if I blink too long I might just miss it. yep, that's my life I recognize. I got over those types of things when I didn't develop until college. probably just means I'll live longer. you know what? this dinky trip is worth it just to see little cousin Matty.

went to our social awareness/peace and justice meeting last night. what a hoot. we are the only "young" people in that room. 13 people altogether and the average age (including us) is 63. Thirteen 63-y-o acting as the social conscience of the church! if all goes well we'll have pews with automatic kneeling...just push a buttom and your seat props you right up. I jest, but I'll bet there's a company that makes 'em. but honestly, these are some of the most aware AND religious people I have met in a long time, which is refreshing. they have already been doing research on lower emissions, war related issues like support troops, not war, and fairtrade. they want Him to write an article in teh bulliten about alternatives to expensive, high-fashion clothes and accessories, such as Hamnett bags (which are just as costly, but are made from cotton grown organically, processed in fair trade plants, and made in textile in a factory, all OWNED by hamnett) it's nice to be appreciated and I am so proud of my husband. he's taught me so much. I'll be sad if we have to leave these friends in such a short amount of time.